Monday Night Football - 2025 Fantasy Preview - Week 7
A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will dunked into a giant glass of milk until their bones become as dense as Osmium. That’s right, this is a special, but worse, Nick edition of the MNFP.
Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight
With 2 games tonight and countless Lions fans in the league, every matchup still has players to play and thus, every matchup is yet to be decided. Now, are some matchups basically, almost, practically, impossible to be flipped from the current outlook? Yes. Does that stop those looking at an all but guaranteed loss from giving up hope? Also yes. BUT THE MNFP TRAIN KEEPS ON CHUGGING ALONG. CHOO CHOO IT’S MONDAY NIGHT! PLAY BALL! DUNK!
Games
(5–1) Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ (4–2) Detroit Lions
- 7:00 PM ET / 4:00 PM PT
- Line: DET –6.5
(2–3) Houston Texans @ (4–2) Seattle Seahawks
- 10:00 PM ET / 7:00 PM PT
- Line: SEA –3.5
Matchups
99% – 67.40 points: Hot Gibby’s French Fries (5–1) vs Will _ For Better Team (1–5)
Big bully Alex has to remind everyone why he was voted “Most Likely to be a Big Bully in 2025” in his high school superlative, with his ruthless take-down of one of our league’s most vulnerable and defenseless teams. With Gibbs, a kicker, and defense yet to play, Skylar better get ready to change his name again, because we’ve got our ATOMIC WEDGIE BIG BULLY BLAST BIGGEST BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK Sponsored by BULLYMAKE.
99% – 34.73 points: Blazed Balls (2–4) vs Oof ouchie my dignity (3–3)
In a battle of terrible defenses, this matchup comes down to Diego’s hopes and dreams of a Baker Mayfield legacy game, where he outscores Chardonnay and Otto by 40 points. Will Baker bake a Tampa Bay loaf on Hy’s Blazed Balls (without throwing to his tight end)? Tune in tonight to find out!
96% – 34.80 points: Milk Men (3–3) vs James (4–2)
In this week’s MATCHUP OF THE WEEK (determined via an unknown algorithm in Yahoo’s HQ), things were looking close all through the weekend. Jams Thursday warriors dropped almost 40 points between a flex play (what a fool) and a kicker. But Nick Milky Men slithered on back, making it a close matchup through the evening. But everything changed when the CMC nation attacked. A 40+ point performance from the man himself sets Nick up for a smooth win tonight if St. Brown can’t outscore Monty by like a million points or something.
87% – 17.54 points: Robotripping Gardener (3–3) vs Half Broccked (4–2)
Keith continues on his rampage against healthy tight ends, this week assassinating Waller’s return from retirement, netting 0 points. What would drive him to hurt his own players? We cannot pretend to understand the inner workings of this man’s mind. Goff just needs to hold on to a 10 point lead against Mike “freshly injured” Evans and Patrick will take the win.
68% – 9.55 points: Mulch Is NOT Yummy (3–3) vs YOU WILL NEVER SEE HEAVEN (4–2)
In an insane move of karmatic destiny, Dan chose not to alert Matt 2 of his injured Puka, devilishly ensuring his victory, only to be betrayed by his very own men being bad. Not really, his team played well, but Matt 2’s team stepped up on the back of Herbert “not a pervert”, Swift “not Taylor”, and Rice “Need for Speed”. Tonight we have Nico and a kicker facing off against White to determine is karma is real or if religion is false and nothing happens after you die. Or maybe just that timezones are crazy and can cause mistakes.
55% – 3.14 points: My Chuba got Hubba’d (1–5) vs Whole Latte TDS (3–3)
In tonight’s matchup of the night, we’ve got Matt 1 and Scott coming down to the wire. After several rough weeks for Matt 1, he’s praying to the alter of Jamo to fend off Scott’s Laporta JSN assault and protect his 21 point lead. Scott’s won enough, Matt deserves this. Let’s all come together and spirit bomb JSN into a 0 point night so that Matt 1 can feel the joy of victory! Let’s all hold hands and run into the battle as one, IT’S MONDAY NIGHT!!!!!