Monday Night Football - 2025 Fantasy Preview - Week 5

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will HAVE THEIR ASSET / BOND ALLOCATION INVOLUNTARILY INVERTED

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

Since you only have 2 minutes to read this before kickoff, I will keep it brief. IT’S THE MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL PREVIEW

Games

(2–2) Kansas City Chiefs @ (3–1) Jacksonville Jaguars

• 8:15 PM ET / 5:15 PM PT
• Line: KC –3.5, O/U 45.5

Matchups

99% – 43.03 points: YOU WILL NEVER SEE HEAVEN (2–2) vs King in the D (1–3)

Brian Thomas Jr. seeks to join Jerry Rice and Clinton Portis in the rare air of the >56 pt .5 ppr fantasy points club. Jerry Rice did it in 1990 with a humble 5 TD 225 yard game, while Portis did it on the ground in 2003. With only 4 current members, it is not looking good for the King of the D as he is poised to recieve his second biggest blowout of the season. This makes 4 straight Ls for Matt #3 after a promising start - causing many to question, has a second period of urban decay hit Detroit? Meanwhile - YOU WILL NEVER SEE HEAVEN has appeared to have bonked off to Japan, presumably presenting some dietary friction with his midwestern doordash diet of Calzones n’ chicky tendies.

99% – 39.07 points: Hot Gibby’s French Fries (4–0) vs Mulch Is NOT Yummy (2–2)

The league’s runaway biggest threat now appears to have the longest road, the biggest army, and a surplus of unturned dev cards as PIPING HOT GIBBY’s Fries continues to ROLL over Matt #2. Up 47 with only Pacheco still standing, it seems likely that Alex will end the week with >100pts for more than the second highest squad - along with last week’s 50pt duo of DK/Gainwell on bye this week. Mulch Master has however, maintains his dignity in defeat as he is leading the league in overall least engagement with only 2 waiver moves on the year. He will look to rebound next week against the Mommy Milkers.

99% – 37.60 points: Blazed Balls (1–3) vs Half Broccked (3–1)

David has Goliath on the ropes as Hy continues to slingshot rocks directly into Keith’s half broccked balls. Keith will need lowly Brashard Smith (8 pts on the year) and the KC Defense to close a gap of 40 + whatever Cam “70 yard leg” Little can muster. Hy will need to eat a shoe, or whatever the penalty is for starting a 0 pt scorer in Zach “what she don’t know wont” Ertz her. Also AJ brown continues to not score or catch that much.

92% – 9.57 points: Robotripping Gardener (2–2) vs Milk Men (3–1)

The edging finally released as time expired at the end of SNF as Robo took a slight 2 pt lead over the Expired Milk Men. Now it’s up to TE Brenton Strange to avoid going for worse than -2 tonight to ice this one. These two teams will converge to 3-2 with freaky friday style similar season stats thus far. Also of note - Rico Dowdle exploding on the bench in Chubba’s temporary absence. Unrelated but does anyone have Tonya Harding’s cell number / signal handle?

72% – 11.26 points: Dank Press Scott (2–2) vs Oof ouchie my dignity (1–3)

Diego is up 16 with the man singlehandedly responsible for shifting the public discourse away from hedonism/self and back to family values still to take the field (Kelce - will elaborate on this in video notes if anyone is interested in discussing, also has to do with Emma Watson). So its Kelce + a 16 pt lead against Scott’s WORTHY/ETIENNE/BUTKER 3 headed monster. A shootout probably equals W for Scott. Xavier Worthy recently had his ankle “mysteriously balloon in size on the flight to the game” though, so the stage is set for a pretty high drama affair. Editor’s note that this section was not able to be sharpened for clarity due to time pressure.

58% – 2.44 points: James (3–1) vs Will _ For Better Team (0–4)

IT’S THE BIG TUNA - IT’S THE DEVIL IN BAGGY PANTS - IT’S THE HUMDINGER WHO HASN’T YOUR BEST IN MIND -> welcome to this weeks closest matchup of the week, sponsored by WD40. Skylar has managed to put together a slumdog millionaire sort of perfect series of events and sits on a lead of 11 with Kareem “no nickname from me” Hunt still to hit the opposition. And for James -> its starchild Patrick Mahomes! Can Skylar fend off the tyrant of (water) toxin tracking to lock up his first win, or will Sky put Jam in a tekniplex in this WWE showdown. Tune in tonight to find out - IT’S TIME FOR MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL