Monday Night Football - 2025 Fantasy Preview - Week 4

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will HAVE AN OPEN WORLD GEOCACHE INSTALLED IN YOUR BACKYARD, LEADING TO AN OCCASIONAL BUT CONSISTENT STREAM OF WANDERING MIDDLE AGED MEN IN CARGO SHORTS WHO CONSIDER THEIR HEADLAMP PART OF THEIR “CACHE DISCOVERY LOADOUT”

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

We are ~one month into this fantasy season, and Skylar is looking less and less distinguishable from the Tennessee Titans. Poised to receive his third biggest blowout in four weeks, his morale is on life support. Outside of the woes of the AJ Brown anti-apologist, this was a week of the reestablishment of hope for many, as our league’s two undefeated juggernauts/juggalos appear on the precipice of taking their first L - and multiple 1-2 teams should move to 500. Tonight will feature an overlapping double header - perfect for those of us who love having to constantly change the channel. Will it be Hy joining Skylar at 0-4, or just the New York Football Jets? Will Joe Burrow demand replacing Jake Browning under center with one of his influencer friends? Will Bo Nix finally show up with a better name? TUNE IN TO MNF TO FIND OUT - ITS THE MNFP.

Games

(0–3) New York Jets @ (0–3) Miami Dolphins

• 7:15 PM ET / 4:15 PM PT
• Line: MIA –3.5, O/U 47.5

(2–1) Cincinnati Bengals @ (1–2) Denver Broncos

• 8:15 PM ET / 5:15 PM PT
• Line: DEN –7.5, O/U 44.5

Matchups

99% – 53.49 points: Dank Press Scott (1–2) vs Double Dose of Milk Please (0–3)

Sky is down 77 heading into tonight, needing an absolute miracle game script from Breece hall, Courtland Sutton, and Kicker Evan McPherson to avoid a third BIGGEST BOMBOCLAT BLOWOUT in 4 weeks. There aint much to say here other than Scott could have thrown a blind dart at his bench and coasted to victory this week. Soul searching, and blusting a faabload simply must be in the double dose of milk’s immediate future. Worth noting that we finally saw the promised awakening of Ashton “He’s got nice” Jeanty as Scott will look to keep the momentum going vs Diego next week.

99% – 40.02 points: Milk Men (2–1) vs DOWNGRADED TO MATT #3 (1–2)

An outside shot for this week’s biggest blowout - Matt #3 (FKA Matt #1) will need Bo “Peepshow” Nix to play with dignity to avoid getting renamed to Matt #4. If he goes for >60 - the end of days are likely upon us, and I will be personally prepping for the apocalypse, likely in the Canadian Yukon territory, with my guard dog and my all terrain vehicle. Matt should have played 30 pt Justice Hill instead of FUMBLEROOSKI FUMBLEROOSKI King Henry.

89% – 28.11 points: Mulch Is NOT Yummy (1–2) vs James (3–0)

The hairline fractures in the obelisk finally gave way as the undefeated Malik Nabers tore his ACL this week - what was Jam thinking starting him smh. He could have used more than those 3.5 pts heading into tonight down 8 against Matt #2. Despite the bad team management, James is holding onto the hope that Tee “6.6ppg” Higgins can outscore Tyreek + Achane + make up the 7 pt gap tonight. Not sure how Yahoo puts the odds of that at >10% but 🤷🏻‍♂️ - I never question a Yahooligan. Both these teams remain “teams to watch” moving forward - I wouldn’t personally watching them, but it is technically something you could do.

80% – 18.46 points: Robotripping Gardener (2–1) vs Hot Gibby’s French Fries (3–0)

🚨THERE’S A GREASE FIRE IN THE GIBBY’S CARNIVAL CONCESSION TRAILER🚨 (title of my sex tape). If Justin Fields, Garrett Wilson, & Just Kidding Dobbins team up to close a 50pt gap + Chase Brown’s outing tonight -> Alex will move into pole position as the leader of this league. If Alex comes up just short this week - he will appreciate everyone reminding him of his two >25pt scoring skill players left marooned on his bench this week. Look for Patrick to celebrate with an elephant ear (3500+ calories) regardless of if he pulls this one out or not.

99% – 17.32 points: Fully Broccked Up (2–1) vs Oof ouchie my dignity (1–2)

The Wil (he really only has one L in his name???) Lutz slander is frankly more than I am comfortable with - though if he really spells him name like that -> he had it coming. Yahoo gives him a 1% chance he goes for >26points tonight to give Diego the come from behind victory over the former 10th prestige bully from Beirut - mr brocked up himself. We absolutely harassed our intern until “it” (it’s AI and therefore subhuman) told us that Wil has only eclipsed the 20 pt mark once before. Our thoughts are with the honorable underdog tonight - even if hes only made 1 singular roster move all year. Are we certain Diego is not AI? 🤖

81% – 13.45 points: Blazed Balls (0–3) vs YOU WILL NEVER SEE HEAVEN (2–1)

After a fantasy nightmare scenario lead Dan to start a last second inactive RB (news dropping at 2am hawaii local time as it happened in the Dublin game), this may be the break Blazed Balls needed to build some positive momentum. It is tonight’s CLOSEST MATCHUP BY PROJECTED MARGIN OF VICTORY OF THE WEEK as Hy “what I lack in wins I make up for in having a disarticulating jaw” takes on YOU WILL NEVER SEE HEAVEN. In theory - Yahoo seems to think there is a ~20% chance that Cinnci’s WR1 Ja’Marr Jar Binks Chase goes for < 2pts and Dan wins this one. In practice - it is going to take an early Chase injury for this one to end up remotely close. Will Jake “Brown Out” Browning be able to complete a singular pass to Ja’Marr chase and lead Doan to victory? Tune in to find out - it’s time for some MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

Buy me a coffee if you think it’s unlikely we can become one as a country again :/