Monday Night Football - 2025 Fantasy Preview - Week 12

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will BE FORCED INTO A SPIRIT MEETING WITH THEIR GREAT GREAT GRANDFATHER LIKE IN MULAN, AND SPEAK TO THESE WAR HEROS AS TO WHY YOUR RESOLVE AND MORALS HAVE FALLEN SO FAR AS A SUPPOSED “MODERN” MAN

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

As we near the end of week 12 of our 14 week regular season, we have been gifted with a pure showcase tonight. 5/6 matchups are done and blusted, and are now fighting for style points. But one lone tilt remains undecided - and (un)fortunately for this league, it happens to involve one of Nick’s peculiar obsessions. If you are the type of person who takes pleasure in observing another human driven to maddness by a creation of their own design - the FB chat in quarters 3&4 will be a great place to hang out tonight. I myself, will be busy congratulating myself on being in the running for delivering the biggest blowout, and will probably also be pre scheduling a few messages to chat insinuating that regular season fantasy success equates to moral purity. It’s time for the MNFP.

Games

Carolina Panzers (6–5) vs San Francisco 49ers (7–4) 5:15 PM PT / 8:15 PM ET on ESPN Line: 49ers –7.5

Matchups

99% – 53.31 pts: Robotripping Gardener (7–4) vs Not NOT in the Epstein Files (3–8)

Being named after a fictional meth cook’s wife AND being bad at fantasy football - name a more iconic duo, I’ll wait… No other way to put it, Not NOT in the Epstein Files is bad bad - but at least he is self aware and finding the silver lining. Still shielded by our league’s lack of relegation, Skylar appears to exist, much like the middle class, as a punching bag for the league’s serious asset owning class. Confused as to why he hasn’t pulled himself up by his bootstraps already, and won a ship 🤷🏻‍♂️ Oh well - Robo moves to 8-4 presuming Dowdle avoids going worse than -40.

✅ 100% – 43.96 pts: Bricked up (7–4) vs YOU WILL NEVER SEE HEAVEN (7–4)

Dan’s OOPS all Packers strategy that lead him to a narrow victory over Skylar last week - was no match for the Bricked Up bamboozling delivered by Bijan, Boswell, and Bowers. Even if Dan would have started a non injured RB1, it would have been an uphill battle against the well diversified opposition. Keith - another member of the anointed class - has also been gifted a matchup with Skylar next week, which should put him in terrific position to fight for a first round playoff bye. As for Dan, it will be a decisive matchup with Scott with heavy playoff implications.

99% – 41.24 pts: Detroit Tropics 12th PLACE! (3–8) vs 🥝 lol i luv kiwi 🥝 (6–5)

Welcome to the battle of Matts. Matt #5 is the epitome of that team that, against all odds, rallies together the back third of the season, knocks off the league’s elite in stunning fashion, all to finish 2 games out of the playoff hunt, having lost its high draft pick for the rebuild entirely. To that end, he went BELT to 🍑 in this one, even with a goose egg from Jamo. Plus, as a bonus - there is still hope for biggest blowout pending the result of Kittle v Purdy. Detroit should feel proud of this positive momentum, however inconsequential. It’s officially panic stations for the Kiwi - as he falls to 6-6 out ahead of his dance with the devil next week (Robo). I cannot IMAGINE the amount of real world grief this must be causing Matt #2 over in Auckland, knowing how much this means to him 😢

99% – 39.84 pts: Hot Gibby’s French Fries (8–3) vs Oof ouchie my dignity (4–7)

In a relative week of pedestrian weakness by Hot Gibby - the government / team namesake stepped in to bail out the league’s undisputed #1 seed with a 55pt outing from Jahmyr Gibbs. God forbid this man have to sweat a monday night nailbiter. That means Diego is needing an absolute miracle from Tetairoa McMillan to avoid playoff elimination. 55pts if he can swing it - 23 more than his career high 32 pt outing from last week. It looks like the end of the line for the animal rescuer. This is all Baker Mayfield’s fault.

✅ 100% – 7.03 pts: Blazed Balls (4–7) vs Bubba’s Team (5–6)

This one is like Harvard vs Yale basketball or something. It probably meant a lot ~100 years ago but how the mighty have fallen. 2019 and 2020 league champions respectively fighting over the slightest playoff birth opportunity. With this win, Hy has prolonged his grieving period by another week, and earned the right to take on the Gibby juggernaut. For Jam, he now must do the very thing we vowed never to do, and that is to blow out Matt, thereby turning his back on the city of Detro - oh never mind, that should be no problem for him 🥶

65% – 7.78 pts: GADSDEN Godsend (6–5) vs Milk Men (6–5)

IT’S THE MAIN EVENT and I am already DEEPLY resentful for the time I have willingly invested into writing this “e-blog” thus far. Fortunately for our devolved post social media rotted out brains, this one is fairly straightforward to understand. Nick is down 31 to Gadsen (who was on bye this week) with but a single hope remaining. HIS NAME MAY BE CHRISTIAN BUT THE WAY HE RUNS BETWEEN THE TACKLES IS ANYTHING BUT - it’s CMC who will need to close the gap - something he has done but 3 times this season. With heavy implications for the rest of the league’s playoff hopes - the winner will slip into a 2 way tie for fourth - and the loser, into prime points for qualifying territory. By the time the clock strikes midnight tonight - one of these managers will be in dire need of milk. It’s time for MNF.

Buy me a coffee so that our increasingly parasocial relationships can further deepen.