Monday Night Football - 2024 Fantasy Preview - Week 6

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will SLAPPED A BIT SILLY, BY SCHMITT’S WILLY - Harrison Schmitt that is, born 1935 - An American geologist, NASA astronaut, and U.S. Senator. He was the 12th person to walk on the Moon during the Apollo 17 mission and remains the only scientist-astronaut to have done so

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

What do you call it when 5 couples are leaving room for Jesus and 1 couple is ~2 millimeters from concieving on the dance floor? Answer: an ice cream social. That is effectively what we have tonight going into a MNF showdown between the BILLIE GOATS, ARE NOT MY BROTHERS vs the LETS YORK JETS. Grab your nearest chaperone, ask to go to the bathroom, because it’s time to VAPE AND READ

Games

(3-2) Buffalo Bills @ (2-3) New York Jets

• 1:15 AM BST
• Line: BUF -1.5, O/U 41.5

Matchups

100% - 33.39 points: Nabers? I Hardly Know Hers (4-1) vs B Robinson Crusoe (2-3)

Ok, so apparently Alex is poised to further his lead on most points scored, and highest playoff likelihood as he outscored his projections by 50 with Nabers, Puka, JJ on the bench 😱 That did not, however, stop Keith from trading with him last week - who evidently is not subscribed to the people’s embargo. Matt aka B Rabbitson Crusoe could very possibly be the receiving end of this week’s 313 DTown CRISPY PAN STYLE CRUST BUTTERING, BASTING, and BUMRUSHING BIGGEST BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK - sponsored by Little Sneezers. In the end, Matt owes his frustrations to Dak - for dropping a 6 piece on the staunch Lions broken leg D, and the Ilitch family, for all those times that steaming cheese scalded the roof of his mouth.

95% - 31.93 points: Welcome Back Mr. Poop (1-4) vs The Caledonian Creamer (2-3)

Matt #2 holds Tyler Bass and a 23 pt current lead over Sky who has James Cook remaining. I would put this one as definitely in the realm of possibility as we saw James go for 30 in week 2 vs miami, as the bassmaster pro shop was held to 8. Coincidentally, that was also the game that Demar Hamlin ended Tuas whole carrer, along with the fantasy managers of anyone else affiliated with that offense. Interestingly, fantasy pros believes there is a 5% chance one of these two teams wins the whole friggin piston cup. Imagine the look on Doc Hudson’s shiny, yet classical grill if that happened - im dripping coolant just thinking about it.

96% - 28.05 points: America and God’s Team (0-5) vs Year of the 🔗(2-3)

Feelgood story of the year, American and God finally came through for Dan as he sits up 35 on Hy. Yahoo somehow thinks there is a chance Breece Hall can drop 35 + whatever Lazard scores. Looking like Breece will need something on the order of the sum of his last 4 weeks or scoring to pull this one off. The house still does not like Dan’s playoffs odds sitting at <1% likelihood rn, BUT he is sitting #1 on the waiver wire, so if someone were to bid the exact same FAAB as him, he technically has the tiebreak. The return of injured Cooper Kupp cannot come soon enough for Hy, as Kyler has lost his platform velcro shoes and his season is on LIFE SUPPORT.

97% - 21.27 points: Mulch Gang for Life (4-1) vs Mulch Mutiny (3-2)

I really should be refusing the write this one out of protest of the M word (mail on sundays when your letter box is getting DDoSd by hogwarts because you are essentially kidnapping the chosen one), but here it is. Nick is poised to sever Keith’s spinal cord unless Josh “Im just Josh” Allen can drop a 44 piece tonight. An otherwise impressive week was spoiled by Travis Etienne’s negative point performance and a big nothing burger from Tucker “mom, can you pick me up from school?” Kraft. Meanwhile a 30+ point godwin wilting away on the bench. Tough one for a father of 2 to go down to a commish who looks lethal dropping 130 with Kyren on the bench. We will see how Nick fares in coming weeks, especially his week 8 battle with Alex for sole share of best record and most begrudged.

91% - 20.11 points: I ❤️ Mulch Dog (2-3) vs FLANGED DI ELBOW (4-1)

Though Patrick will look to mulch his own team name into something a bit more suitable the second the clock strikes 0, Jam still has something to say. Can Garrett “I have such an odd QB” Wilson bridge the current 25 pt gap + whatever Dalton “sometimes I catch a pass or two” Kincaid in tonight’s clash? If so - FLANGED DI ELBOW (which ive been reading to the tune of pon de replay) will complete one the more unlikely reversals in recent memory and Patrick will very likely move off grid. Unrelated, but Jam requested that I post “send all the stemcells you have to Boston, its for a .. science fair project”.

56% - 0.91 points: Ma’ Homie Fields (3-2) vs Oof ouchie my dignity (3-2)

Finally, its Bigger… its Badder… its too much for Mr. Incredible - it’s the closest matchup of the WEEK and also why does syndrome look like middle school jam? The razor thinist of margins separate these two heading into monday night - as Scott holds a 14.5 pt lead with Diego’s Greg “bad team to be a fantasy kicker on” Zuerlein and the JETS D. Riding a hot streak lately, Ouchie my dignity is hoping the NYJ defense finds a way to stop the bowling ball that is Josh Allen, or at least enough to engage operation GREG. Both candidates in this bipartisan clash have a very strong and polarizing stance on women’s reproductive rights - but I will leave you to figure out which one is which! IT’S MONDAY NIGHT

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