Monday Night Football - 2024 Fantasy Preview - Week 4

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will HAVE A DEEPFAKE OF YOURSELF DOING A RACY COMEDY SET CIRCULATED ON LINKEDIN - AND NOT ONE THAT ENDS UP PASSING THE VIBE CHECK

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

The best thing about tonight’s that we are not fighting - that goes for Sky and I, for he is already dead. But for the rest of yall, it’s really time to buckle up, hunker down, and throw that thang in a circle because its the WITCHING EVENING of the football weekend and YOU MIGHT WIN AND YOU MIGHT LOSE soooo…. let’s do it.

Games

(0-3) Tennessee Titans @ (1-2) Miami Dolphins

• 12:30 AM BST
• Line: MIA -2.5, O/U 37

(3-0) Seattle Seahawks @ (2-1) Detroit Lions

• 1:15 AM BST
• Line: DET -4, O/U 47

Matchups

99% - 73.67: Robotripping Gardener (1-2) vs Swag Surfing Loam Sisters (1-2)

It was all the wrong moves in all the wrong places for Sky “One Republic” Loam Sister as he rode negative .9 from the quirked up white boy at the helm of the kansas city rushing attack and left multiple 20 pt scorers on water boy duty. Patrick was the beneficiary of another break out performance from Derrick “Washed King” Henry - currently averaging > 25 ppg through week 4, despite harbaugh’s promise that his “days of getting 30+ carrier per game are over”. Multiple anonymous sources from around the league were quoted in observing that this recent surge in the robotripper’s performance “couldn’t have happened to a worse guy.” This one is all but a lock for week 4’s “You gotta do better than that man” biggest disappointment of the week, sponsored by Nvidia.

99% - 29.52: Mulch Gang for Life (2-1) vs The Better Robinson Crusoe (3-0)

Down goes 1 of our final 2 unbeatens as the esteems commish is set to rumble to a rare sub 100 point victory, and 3-1 overall. With a largely unimpressive team, he was able to ride Kyren “how is he somehow always on nicks team” Williams and scary terry to slightly above projection performances, as Jam is set to under perform by 47 pts. HOWEVER, Jahmyr Gibbs gets 1 final say tonight, and will need to eclipse the rarefied 45 pt mark to tip the scales - something he has never really come close to doing. Jam is likely to continue to pester the league though, as he also left plenty of firepower on the bench - much like the Needles Batteries - a military outpost on the Isle of Wight that was never brought into conflict during WW1.

96% - 26.56: Nabers? I hardly know hers (3-0) vs Year of the 🔗 (2-1)

We might very well have our league’s final undefeated team and overall biggest threat if Alex is able to hold off Wamo from scoring ~30 tonight. A balanced attack with little help from defense or kicker - Naber’s holds a current 24 pt lead, with red hot David Montgomery still to take the house that the model T and indentured Brazilian tire making servitude built, this evening. Hy can track most of his misfortune back to investing in the team around ARod, something that is widely regarded as unforgivable, and cursed.

68% - 5.97: Oof ouchie my dignity (1-2) vs America and God’s Team (0-3)

The college basement of our league has come alive this week, as Dan and Diego have unleashed a fury of drunken haymakers on eachother - currently sitting at a 19pt deficit, but a combined 230 pts heading into MNF. It all will come down to Tyreek in the sheets, who will look to find his mojo with a scrub QB against the TennISee secondary. With 6 pt efforts each of the last 2 weeks, Hill has struggled every week that he has not been arrested for a traffic violation heading to the game (sample size 3 games). Dan’s continued engagement in the league may be hanging on this performance tonight, as he remains in search of that first elusive and addictive win of the season.

63% - 5.81: B Robinson Crusoe (1-2) vs Ja’Marr Ja’Marr Binks (2-1)

One of 3 razor thin margined matchups tonight, Keith holds a 6 pt advantage over Matt #1 with a TON of football still to be played. On the side of Robinson Crusoe - its De’Von Achane and Sam Laporta, versus DK rage kong) Met(fatted)calf. This one could really go in any direction, as Sam has yet to eclipse 7 points this season and achane is coming off a down week 3. DK on the other hand, is picking up steam, averaging 22 the last two weeks on 10 targets per game. For symmetries sake, and cheering for the underdog, it would be nice to see both these two teams heading into week 5 at 2-2 however - some people do not find a symmetrical face very flattering.

56% - 3.29: Welcome Back Mr. Poop (1-2) vs No this is patrick! (1-2)

In this week’s “car emitting a continuous beep because im so close to the wall” closest matchup of the week - its the TESLA TWINS, Scott and Matt #2 who currently sit separated by 28 pts. On the side of Matt #2 - it’s just the staunch MIAMI D remaining - averaging a pedestrian 6.5 ppg thus far. Scott, after making a huge personal sacrifice by not having the vast majority of his team playing during redzone, has gone all in for MNF with ARSB, Tony Pollard, and the Tennessee D all still set to trample upon the turf tonight. Conventional wisdom (chatGPT) says that a 1-3 start typically spells a ~30% chance of making the playoffs in a 12->6 league, so expect moaning and gnashing of teeth, when the first game kicks off - at a totally reasonable 12:30 AM BST this eve. IT’S MONDAY NIGHT