Monday Night Football - 2024 Fantasy Preview - Week 3

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will BE BOPPED TO THE TOP

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

It’s the season’s first MNF DOUBLE HEADER which you would have thought would have yielded a few more closer matchups. BUT FOR SHAME - we have but one matchup less than 90% certain. That being said, close or not, we still Epcot. That’s right, it’s an all expenses paid, single magical night in the fantasy suite with the EPCOT ball on the line in week 3 - sponsored by TSMC Taiwan, leader in semiconductor technology.

Games

(0-2) Jacksonville Jaguars @ (2-0) Buffalo Bills

• 4:30 PM PST
• Line: SF -5.5, 45.5 O/U

(1-1) Washington Commanders @ (1-1) Cincinnati Bengals

• 5:15 PM PST
• Line: CIN -7.5, 47 O/U

Matchups

99% - 84.09: Welcome Back Mr. Poop (0-2) vs Year of the 🔗(2-0)

Matt finally hit on the two headed monster of JTaylor and Saquon en route to nearly matching his first two week pt total in a single week. This one is dangerously close to breaking our leagues ALL TIME margin of victory record, that currently stands at 84.70 delivered by Nick. Set back in week 17 of 2022 when Scott already had his playoff seat secured, and started a number of players on their bye week. If Matt #2 is able to get enough out of his home state Joe Shiesty and Tyler Bassmaster pro shop - Doan could be looking at one of the sharpest falls from grace since Umich president Mark Schlissel sent those emails to a staffer about being lonely. Also, just watched the 10 things I hate about you, and Welcome Back Mr. Poop and a young heath ledger have an uncanny resemblance.

99% - 81.76: Nabers? I hardly know hers (2-0) vs Fantasizing in mom’s basement (1-1)

Our league’s current biggest threat continued his reign of terror this week, casting aside his supposed hero Jared Goff to the bench, like Andy retiring Woody’s ass in toy story episode 4. Jauan Jennings hit for a random 43 piece and Diego had no answer as Alex rode his River Rouge Detroit betrayal E-horse off into the sunset. The basement fantasizer is left praying that Jayden Daniels, Zack Moss, and B(elletrix Le) Strange go for at least negative 40 tonight to save some face.

98% - 27.87: The Better Robinson Crusoe (2-0) vs Sisters of the Loam (1-1)

Jam made waves early in the week by having a daughter. Elon and the universe rewarded him handsomely for fighting the population crisis by blessing him with a few random 25 pieces from Dallas G, Zach “Attack” Charbonnet, and Rashee “Chickn n’ “Rice. He now carries a 30 pt lead and a freshly minted diaper demon into this evening with the staunch skyline cinci D left to take the field. Skylar, despite possessing a stable of the week’s highest scoring QBs, at a quirked up $32 FAAB white boy at the RB slot - is left once again looking for answers in the matcha tea leaves.

92% - 23.03: Robotripping Gardener (0-2) vs B Robinson Crusoe (1-1)

Chubba Hubba! Carolina finally came to life behind the Ginger Gershwin’s masterful orchestration. It’s a 37 point lead for the pinkish purple thumb, the sultan of sizzurp heading into tonight. Matt is going to need Tee Higgins’s return to be more explosive than the BYU mascot at a Mattress Barn super soak summer blowout in addition to “Im just” Evan McPherson kicking more balls than draymond green to close this gap. Preventing Robo’s ego from engorging to concerning clinical levels is looking less and less likely, as B Robinson Crusoe has unfortunately let him get into his zone.

90% - 17.19: Mulch Gang for Life (1-1) vs America and God’s Team (0-2)

America and God have given their toughest battle to their strongest solider as Dan clings to a 1.5 pt lead heading into the elysium. Will it be enough to hold off Khalil Shakir and “Very very scary, like ish you see in the movies” Terry McLaurin tonight? With a trailing average of 10 targets per night betwixt the duo, Yahoo does not think so. Based on how the week is playing out, a loss here would lock Dan in as the leagues last winless team. Zoinks! Look for an AI enabled Nick to continue solidifying his egregious carbon footprint in the chat over the next week if hes able to hold on and move to 2-1

58% - 4.84: No this is patrick! (1-1) vs Ja’Marr Ja’Marr Binks (1-1)

AND MOVE IT LIKE A GYPSY! It’s this week’s CLOSEST MATCHUP OF THE WEEK and it features the classical hot seat model for Scott, who carries a massive 60 point lead into tonight. The catch? Keith is trotting out 3 HORSEMEN out onto the pitch in Josh Allen, Travis Etienne Jr, and “Give me my money binch” Ja’Marr Chase. Will Scott end up regretting leaving his 2 20 pt getting WRs on the bench? Will Keith lament supporting 5pt Deandre “not so” Swift over 25pt Aaron “Mr.” Jones. Will Scott spend this evening slowly descending further and further into madness, while Keith enjoys an blissfully ignorant family dinner? TUNE YOUR ASS IN, IT’S MNF!