Monday Night Football - 2024 Fantasy Preview - Week 12
A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will BE BASTED LIKE A THUNDER CHICKEN
Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight
It is Monday in week 12 and tensions are at an all time high, largely due to Saquan’s monster ~50 pt Sunday night that flipped the league’s on the bubble playoff implications on their head. Due to the depraved 6th seed qualifying on points for rule, it appears as though we will have chaos and uncertainty down to the final whistle of week 14. If projections hold true thoughout the rest of the night, standings should look something like what is pictured below. Though what is truth, really? For truth cannot be interpreted – it can only be experienced.
Games
(7-4) Baltimore Ravens @ (7-3) Los Angeles Chargers
- 1:15 AM BST
- Line: BAL -2.5, O/U 50.5
Matchups
✅ 100% - 56.44: Ministry of Bogan affairs (7-4) vs Taysom’s jam jams (6-5)
It’s beginning to look a lot like JAM BAD - for it’s officially a sub 100 week with 0 points left over on the bench for Taysom’s jam jams as Scott’s Ministry of Bogan Affairs ran WILD en route to a 56 pt biggest BLOWHORN of the week - sponsored by Shepler’s Ferry. What does Scott’s team name mean? Impossible to say - but this win should just about lock up his playoff birth - as his realistic outcomes now range from sneaking in as a 5 seed to a comfy 2 seed with a first round bye - depending on how badly the Robo rump paddles next week. For Slim Jxmmi, it’s 2 biggest blowouts in a row, and a blind faith that Isiah Pacheco will solve all his problems in the last month of the season - after 10 weeks out with an ankle booboo.
99% - 41.78: Mulch Gang for Life (9-2) vs B Robinson Crusoe (6-5)
Another week, another OP dunking on humble Matt #1 by our power drunk commish Mulch Gang for Life. He is up 30 with JK Throbbins still to grace the pitch tonight and add additional insult to injury. At least it appears as though Nick will not receive additional mulch renaming rights for one of our league’s most wholesome team name puns. For Matt #1 - things are about to get interesting these last couple weeks. Likely to be caught up in a 5 way tie for 5th with a middle-ish points for - Matt’s most clear path is starting to look like needing to win out or holding a very slight tiebreak on points for over Diego or Jam. Speaking of holding a slight one for over two weeks - anybody know any good AI doctors?
77% - 6.61: Oof ouchie my dignity (5-6) vs Mulch Cream Rises (7-4)
A 7 point lead for Mulch Cream with Gus Bus Edwards and Mark Andreewssen Horowitz remaining for Diego. Last week, this dynamic duo combined for checks NYT sudoku section 6.9 pts you CANNOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP. Sitting at 5-6, with a modest points for, it is going to be a critical one for the shameless strategist from santa rita ranch. As for Keith, this is about as weak as you will see him - with Jorsh Alien and sweet potato casserole with Ja’marrshmallows on the bench. That being said - seeing one of the league’s titans dropping a pedestrian sub 110 pt week has the commonfolk frothing at the prospect of overthrowing one of the great fathers. “If you prick him, do he not bleed? If you tickle him, do he not laugh? If you poison him, do he not die?” - William ShakeShackSpeare
76% - 13.17: Robotripping Gardener (5-6) vs Eroded Soil (4-7)
It is an absolute must win for Hy to remain in winners bracket playoff contention. Down 14 with “This” Just in “Sherbert Lemon” Herbert still to take the field. Already 3 hours into his pre game ritual where Harbaugh assaults his shoulderpads while telling him how much he loves him - covering this gap should be no problem for the pride of Eugene Oregon. HOWEVER - it will need to be 14 + whatever the KING cares to bless the serfs with. Coming off his lowest points scoring week of the season - look for “bow bow - im derek” to bless the great valley with healthy crops and a statement victory for the belly busting botanist from britain.
70% - 9.30: Nabers? I hardly know hers (6-5) vs Mulch Is Yummy! (5-6)
What looked just about solidified as I laid down for a peaceful slumber last night - is now anybody’s ball game thanks to Saskatoon’s Great Labor (Laborem Magnum) to bring this one back together. It’s Alex with a 38 point lead heading into tonight - with Matt #2 still to start Zay Flowers + LAC Defense + Ladd Mc(Cold Ass)Conkey - questionable🤔. With Alex’s massive points for lead, he is realistically playing for a better playoff seed at this point - but that shouldn’t stop him from getting progressively more and more kerfuffled as Matt’s motley crew of unlikely heros continues to cook.
61% - 3.91: The Caledonian Creamer (5-6) vs America and God’s Team (1-10)
In this week’s reverse Robin Hood closest matchup of the week, the Caledonian Creamer looks to steal face saving win #2 away from the downtrodden Dan and (Friar Justin) Tuck - slightly favored to cover the gap with Lamar, Dicker, and BIG BAD 5ppg over the last 7 games JUSTICE HILL. Skylar was the beneficiary of a negative point scoring started SF D by America and God’s team as a narrow win here would keep the dairy debutante very much in the playoff hunt. For Dan, there isnt much to be thankful for, fantasy football wise, this harvest celebration - look for him to regroup before being one of the first hunger gamers to sprint to the exposed cornucopia for rare poisonous fruit come losers bracket time.