Monday Night Football - 2024 Fantasy Preview - Week 10

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will BE FORCED TO DRIVE AN EV IN A TERRITORY THAT DOESNT YET HAVE ADEQUATE CHARGING INFRASTRUCTURE

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

Lions fans simultaneously blusted last night, forgetting about the election and failing NNN as the master “jake” bates’s final two kick’s edged just inside the uprights as time expired. The win ties the Lion’s with Mulch Gang for Life’s current record, and vegas reckons both have comparable chances for a championship win respectively. Fun fact, presented by reading rainbow: Mulchism, a modern day leprosy that continues to spread across our league, is theologically linked to many of the forbidden occult practices at Salem - the more you know! Heading into this MNF, playoff livelihood’s hang in the balance - as current projections would lead to a 4 way tie for the coveted 5 spot after the dust settles in week 10. Speaking of 4 ways, did I tell you guys about that time I went to the Shedd Aquarium? It’s MONDAY NIGHT

Games

(2-6) Miami Dolphins @ (4-4) Los Angeles Rams

• 1:15 AM BST
• Line: LAR -2.5, O/U 48.5

Matchups

✅ 100% - 47.01: The Caledonian Creamer (4-5) vs Amon with Aplon (6-3)

Amon with Aplon is lactose intolerant, and you know how much milk they drink in the posh midwestern suburbs of Caledonia. After a very strong start to the season, Scott’s squad of tots appears to be in free fall as he is left starving for some sort of serviceable RB2/Flex duo. His picks this week summed to .6 points as he was CREAMBOARDED by Lamar, the INFAMOUS Patriot D, and Travis Swift-Kelce. Skylar, on the other head, appears a man on a mission to not have to take on more punishment leche as he is UP UP and AWAY!! SUPER WASHED Ain’t He??!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤷🏾‍♂️ in this week’s BIG OLE BUM WHIPPIN OF THE WEEK sponsored by OreOH! (patent pending).

92% - 31.06: B Robinson Crusoe (4-5) vs America and God’s Team (1-8)

With the lowest points for in the league, and the worst record by a country mile - it might be time to douse the torch of America and God’s favorite team for this season, survivor style. Barring a historic outing from Jonnu Smith and Tyreek hill to outscore Miami fantasy leader De’Von Achane by 35, Dan should fall to 1-9, which ironically, are both the first two, and last two digits of my 4 digit banking pin. Matt #1 continues his pilgrimage to the playoffs, poised to take a critical win here to improve to 5-5, the ONLY 10 game record that you can communicate to someone, using only your two hands ✋-✋

92% - 29.72: Mulch Gang for Life (8-1) vs Eroded Soil (3-6)

Can Cooper Kupp and the LA D, overcome a 30 pt deficit, and whatever Kyren Williams scores tonight? Unlikely, but that would be great for league morale. The gluttonous and indulgent commish continues to EAT as he has averaged 145 over the last 6 weeks, combined with the fewest points scored against by over 100. Moving to 9-1, Nick could go fully off the grid for the next month, drop his whole team, put the mulch dog in charge of filling out the new roster (idk ive never seen the film) and very likely still receive a first round playoff bye. For Hy, this loss HURTS as fantasy pros now has him at a <1% chance to make a 5 man playoff. At least Kyler rewarded him for his loyalty and total sacrifice of his season

✅ 100% - 29.13: Mulch Cream Rises (6-3) vs Mulch Is Yummy! (4-5)

In what otherwise was a very close contest, it was Ja’marr Chase’s 54 piece McChuggaluggit that made all the difference as Keith has solidified his playoff positioning with a 95% chance for postseason birth, and is now tied for league high 27% chance to win it all. The league’s new BIGGEST THREAT delivered a devastating loss for the ever optimistic and positive Matt #2 who saw his playoff odds plummet to 13% after the L. Saquan was held exclusively to forward hurdles this week, which lead to a substantial under performance from projections. Mulch cream rises will head into a big point showdown with Naber-less Nabers next week, with heavy playoff implications for the rest of the league (as Alex’s late season bomb out is temporarily protected by him being the runaway highest points for leader thus far).

84% - 13.11: FLANGED DI ELBOW (5-4) vs Oof ouchie my dignity (4-5)

Jam and Diego, projected to be the third and fourth lowest point scorers of the week - are in a proper dungfight heading into tonight’s clash. Dignity less Diego will need plain ole Matt and Jason to walk tuah nearby ATM and withdraw enough dala to afford an outrigger canoe crew strong enough to outrow Tua T by 20 nautical miles. If he can do that, and Patrick can hold off the wicked next door naber - then we will have a staggering 6 way tie for 4th, heading into week 11, at 5-5. Speaking of 6 ways, did I tell you about that time I was a door to door knife salesmen?

78% - 11.47: Mulch’d X2 Electric Boogaloo (4-5) vs Nabers? I hardly know hers (5-4)

Back from his third anger management seminar required after his most recent team renaming, the FKA Robotripping G “COULD NOT BE MORE CALM NOR AT PEACE WITH THE GLOBAL STATE OF AFFAIRS ABROAD AND IN THIS LEAGUE.” It is America’s closest matchup of the week which will showcase Puka “that’s assault brother!” Nacua. Down ~27, Alex will need more points than the fat and chubby baby has scored cumulatively all season. That being said, there is an ominous feeling that this could very quickly turn into a kenyan drake nightmare scenario for the totally chill and mentally stable 3x mulched, team manager from the british commonwealth. For Alex, it isn’t panic time yet - if he just takes a deep breath, trades away Nabers for ole reliable Wan’dale Robinson, he should be just fine. This is the MNFP and it’s damn well MONDAY NIGHT SOMEWHERE