Monday Night Football - 2024 Fantasy Preview - Week 1
A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will BE POST GAME PRESS CONFERENCE PATRONIZED BY BOTH SHEDEUR, AND DEION SANDERS
Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight
It’s finally week 1 of the year of the Dragon, and this season promises to be full of cleverness and charm. A few early season juggernauts have already emerged, a few of the squad’s looked rustier than a great wolf lodge, and the rest of ya just look plain jane. As we head to our first MNF match up, remember that any suffering you might feel, is only the result of your own ambition. Buckle up, pull yourself out of the type of hangover that can only come from watching 7 hours of uninterrupted commercial free football (as your team’s chances slowly fall to zero), and let’s do some drills.
Games
(0-0) New York Jets @ (0-0) San Francisco 49ers - Kezar Stadium
- 1:15 AM BST
- Line: SF -3.5, 43.5 O/U
Matchups
✅ 99% - 53.25 pts: Nabers? I hardly know hers (0-0) v Matt Stephano’s Boss Team (0-0)
After a one year sabbatical reflecting on what went wrong in 2022, Matt #2 is back and HUNGRIER FOR VENGANCE THAN EVER. Unfortunately he will very likely be on the receiving end of this season’s first OPE, MY CD JUST SKIPPED ~ AND EVERYONE JUST HEARD YOU NOT SCORE POINTS divisiveness inc biggest blowout of the week sponsored by the Politico-media complex. Alex had performers well above expectation at nearly every position but at the quirked up samaoan slot and heads into MNF up 43 with sour grape sKittle still to do his weird iowa version of a joker impression tonight.
✅ 99% - 44.92 pts: GFC Fan (0-0) v No this is patrick! (0-0)
Options trader Jam is forecasting another down quarter for Scott and his rag tag group of personality hires as he carries a 30 pt lead into tonight with Garrett “nice last name” Wilson still to take the field. ARSB sacrificed himself for WAMO to thrive and Scott paid the ultimate price. Look for the platinum manager to reload on waivers here in the next few days - and potentially ship Jake Ferguson some Canadian stem cells for his knees.
✅ 100% - 24.79 pts: B Robinson Crusoe (0-0) v Mulch Gang for Life (0-0)
In the league’s only properly done and dusted matchup of the week - Matt #1 flicked Nick squarely in the nose en route to a 25 pt comfortable weekend victory. Bolstered by 4 in the NC +17 club, the bijan bois took control early and never looked back. Nick would have won on optimal lineup, so he should chalk this one up squarely to fault of the manager. Since neither team has players on the field tonight, I imagine these two will be going out into their local communities, providing goods and services to those in need, weeding out the local community garden, or posting up outside the local community theater pretending to be talent scouts - false promising a life of stardom to the fledgling songbirds
89% - 23.04 pts: 💦💦💦 (0-0) v Robotripping Gardener (0-0)
Grand design is a beautiful thing, but unfortunately - sometimes there are random mutations. Glitches in the matrix that produce an ugly blemish on the otherwise pristine tapestry of life. Hy appears to have been the beneficiary of one of these fussy little care packages last night as a father of four rotten daughters, forgot he had any other receivers other than Cooper Kupp. Peppered with more targets than the state of Ohio - 💦💦💦 was able to drive the deficit down to just 6.5 points heading into tonight - with Deebo and Breece still to take the field. Should Hy make off with the victory - the honorable manager from the coalition of robotripping - would be open to discussions around moving 14th overall pick Marvin Harrison Jr. (3 targets, 1 catch for 4 yards) for a lower level pick like Cooper Kupp.
99% - 15.11 pts: Ja’Marr Ja’Marr Binks (0-0) v Fantasizing in mom’s basement (0-0)
Yahoo evidently doesn’t believe in miracles as Diego only needs the Jets defense to go for 21 tonight (something they did last year vs the commanders)to deliver the leagues biggest MNF upset against the Gungan military commander Ja’Marr Ja’Marr Binks. Keith rode monster performances from Josh Allen, Jayden Reed, and Aaron Jones to survive his bomb outs from DK,KC, and Dalton Schultz and looks poised to move to 1-0.
🏄 70% - 11.65 pts: Swag Surfin White Boys (0-0) v America and God’s Team (0-0)
Finally, in tonight’s marquee match up of the week - it’s America and God’s Team vs Swag Surfin White Boys. Paradoxical to be sure, as I thought both these two cohorts were one in the same - as written in the scriptures but I digress. Evidently its been these two mangers hording all the fantasy relevant talent in tonight’s game as it’s going to be Christian and Moody vs Aiyuk and the SF Defense. McCaffrey carries an injury designation into tonight, but evidently that just means he will be allowed to occasionally have a sip of water, nibble of bread - vs his typical regimen of playing fasted to even the playing field. Grab your corn, its freakin MNF
Projected standings after MNF
1-0: 154.56 - Nabers? I hardly know hers
1-0: 140.78 - 💦💦💦
1-0: 131.23 - Ja’Marr Ja’Marr Binks
1-0: 129.31 - GFC Fan
1-0: 114.75 - Swag Surfin White Boys
1-0: 113.66 - B Robinson Crusoe
0-1: 117.74 - Robotripping Gardener
0-1: 116.12 - Fantasizing in mom’s basement
0-1: 103.1 - America and God’s Team
0-1: 101.31 - Matt Stephano’s Boss Team
0-1: 88.87 - Mulch Gang for Life
0-1: 84.39 - No this is patrick!
Projected “points for” rankings after MNF (current playoff seeds in bold)
154.56 - Nabers? I hardly know hers
140.78 - 💦💦💦
131.23 - Ja’Marr Ja’Marr Binks
129.31 - GFC Fan
117.74 - Robotripping Gardener
116.12 - Fantasizing in mom’s basement
114.75 - Swag Surfin White Boys
113.66 - B Robinson Crusoe
103.1 - America and God’s Team
101.31 - Matt Stephano’s Boss Team
88.87 - Mulch Gang for Life
84.39 - No this is patrick!