Monday Night Football - 2023 Fantasy Preview - Week 4

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will be forced to take over upload duty for DinksterDaily

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

It’s been a Cruel Summer for some but hopefully, there isn’t any Bad Blood between us friends. Some of us still have a Blank Space in the win column, but let’s aim to Shake it Off and collect ourselves for next week. You may find yourself looking at that questionable starter while saying I Knew You Were Trouble, but don’t worry, there’s always a new Love Story on the waiver wire to get Enchanted by. Say You Belong With Me and drop the rest of the budget on them, but don’t come crying to the chat saying Look What You Made Me Do when that player also stinks it up and you can’t pick up next week’s hot pickup. So Long Story Short put on your Styleish Red Cardigan and watch Sparks Fly in today’s guest-written MNFP (totally not brought to you by the Eras tours coming to a rinky-dink town near you to gobble up every last dollar the women in your lives have).

Games

(2-1) Seattle Seahawks @ (1-2) New York Giants

• 8:15 PM EST
• Line: SEA -1.5

Matchups

99% - 69.82 pts: Butt to Cock (3-0) v Sad Chubby (2-1)

In this phallic showdown, Hy humbly and graciously road CMC’s 50 point game to a comfortable lead heading into tonight’s matchup. Back against the WALL Matt looks to WALLer and WALLker to put up about 46 points each. Basically, he needs 2 CMCs from an RB who put this man into a position of power and a TE who used to be a baller. If that were to happen, I’m sure Hy will take the L with grace and Matt will celebrate the win with a tall glass of MTN Dew Uproar. Buuuut it’s most likely that this will be YAAAHOOOHOOHOOWY BIG BOO BOO BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK.

95% - 20.1 pts: Quad Squad (3-0) v nate’s Unmatched Team (1-2)

A sad matchup for all as Nate is poised to go two weeks in a row scoring the second most points of the week in a losing effort and Nick didn’t hit his lofty, 200 point goal thanks to the attempted assassination of Barkley’s quads, the Chiefs deciding to help Zach Wilson feel a little better about himself (until his final snap) and Hockenson spending too much time growing his hair instead of catching balls. Look for Nate to submit multiple sacrifices to the elder gods of the forgotten lands so that DK Metcalf drops a high, but not completely out of range 33 points tonight.

✅ - 14.63 pts: Go lions (0-3) v Mahomies (0-3)

In the showdown of undewiners, we were fated to see someone emerge from the pits of despair and join the “I’ve won a game” club. Keith watched his chances of winning slip away like a sneaky little kermit man scrambling for a first down but sliding before the endzone as Alex’s squad defied all odds by not only getting triple-digit points this week (something they have never done) but also pulling off a win (another thing they have never done before). Will Alex’s squad grow from this and become a powerhouse the rest of the season? ehh…

✅ - 13.38 pts: Molly (2-1) v I deserve it (0-3)

Does Dan deserve this? I’ll let you, whatever deities you worship, and the Judge decide. What we do know is that in spite of King Henry and Pistachio Nut’s best efforts, he was not able to overcome Jim Jam’s well-oiled machine, powered by God, Anime, Purdy, and Diggs. Edicate dictates that Jam sends Nick a formal thank you card to show his appreciation for Josh “Quad Squad God” Allen’s tight tosses to Diggs, but we here a Koch Headquarters are not holding our breath.

78% - 2.91 pts: Robotripping Gardener (3-0) v Bow to Queen Stella (2-1)

All eyes will look toward the power of the kick in this week’s closest game heading into Monday night. Pat needs Seattle kicker Jason Myers to drop a hot 5 points tonight (something he’s done every game this year) to pull off the win. Yahoo is a company that believes in the foot of FOOTball and hates Larry David, putting the odds that 78% that this happens, but you never know. New York is the city that never sleeps and I’ve heard people are often sleepless in Seattle so maybe the Seahawks fall asleep at the wheel and fall behind quick, forcing them to abandon field goals and 1-point conversions? It’s a stretch, but Scott’s got the lead off the back of Justin Fields dropping 32 points, so miracles have already happened here.

✅ - 1.57 pts: Baby Toy (0-3) v Fantasizing in mom’s basement (2-1)

Once again having to change his name… wait… what is this? Skylar is not only not the biggest blowout this week, but he squeaked out a W against the highest score of the year holder, Diego! Diego still riding the Dallas Defense wave was betrayed by the faithful and never mean to anyone Hill (compared to his normal performances) and the garden of Olave (compared to any normal score). Diego’s waverings don’t take away from Skylar’s winnings where his faith and love for Michigan Football was rewarded with a 34.8-point performance from Nico Collins! Is this a sign of things to come for Skylar or will it be back into the pit of despair come this time next week? Only time will tell.