Monday Night Football - 2023 Fantasy Preview - Week 3

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will BE HIT BY A NAE NAE - GOOSE OR OTHERWISE

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

Welllll sheesh - for some of yall - it’s self reflection time. 3 weeks in, and it’s high time you look at yourself in the mirror and question why you deserve this pain. Perhaps you once stepped on the M or maybe you ate all of Susan’s thin mints from the break room. Whatever it is - the important part is understanding that you absolutely deserve this, and it is your actions alone that have caused you to feel this way. To the moderates in the midpack - I simple say to you……. And to the tip of the spear, the bold ones forging a brighter future, against the grain and unrelenting in the wind - we thank you, and are honored by your presence. Tonight features action across all matchups - with 4 fights currently projected to finish within 28 points, and 2 under the fateful 75%-25% closeness threshold. If you somehow are not already regretting investing as much time as you have into football this weekend - flip on your hypnosis box and tack on 4 more hours, because its time for MNF.

Games

(2-0) Philadelphia Eagles @ (2-0) Tampa Bay Buccaneers

• 7:15 PM EST
• Line: PHI -5.0

(1-1) Los Angeles Rams @ (0-2) Cincinnati Bengals

• 8:15 PM EST
• Line: CIN -2.0

Matchups

99% - 74.79 pts: The Doorman (2-0) v I Dip Oreos In Water (0-2)

Feels like groundhog day, as Skylar looks to be trending towards receiving the NO THANKS, IM ALL SET - impoverished Ron Weasley Trolley Trouncing of the week for the 3rd straight week. The good news here, is that his margin of defeat continues to shrink (albeit at a painstakingly slow rate) - first 83, then 81, now 75. The bad news, is that Skylar is going to need Matt Stafford and Tutu to hook up for 80 points more than Jalen Hurts tonight to bring this one back to light. Hy looks set to reclaim the league’s highest point getter honors after this one will see his weekly avg sore to over 140 ppg after 40+ performances by both Keenan and Raheem.

99% - 65.26 pts: Molly (1-1) v DeAndre Napkins (0-2)

Unfortunately, I think Alex might have manifested this one. He was repeating “this is the week where I break 100” like a mantra going into the initial window - but unfortunately the realistic visualization was aimed too low - as his chakras eventually became aligned to the lower ceiling he set for himself. His bench bought into the mission as well - dropping a combined 10 pts betwixt the 6 of them. If not for Skylar, Alex might be receiving more get well soon cards - but things are looking BLEAK as the detroiters squad looks to join 2 others at 0-3. Jambo holds a 75 pt current lead, with Godwin still to play vs Swift and Geodert.

90% - 27.17 pts: Bow to Queen Stella (1-1) v I will throttle you (0-2)

It’s trench warfare as Dan currently sits 40 down heading into the MNF games - with Devonta and Rachaad (combined for 44 last week) still to play vs Tee Higgins. The throttler is fighting an uphill battle after the two “these guys are good for a floor of 25 per week, I absolutely guarantee it” RBs he received in a block buster trade were good for only 9 pts in their debut. Will he be able to organize an upset over Queen Stella? Or will the AI generated avatar from the techno prairie take the sickle to the ankles of yet another disgraced manager. The algo still remains cautiously optimistic about Dan’s chances despite the slower start - the jury is still out on if there is hope for the rest of you OH!

86% - 22.43 pts: Quad Squad (2-0) v Sad Chubby (2-0)

In the clash of the unbeaten titans, Nick sits up 9 heading with 2 additional fantasy units vs Matt’s Mike Evans still to take the field tonight. If Puka “shell” Nacua and Kyren Williams have trouble, the sad chubby could turn to a happier to see you chubby. Mike “30 piece mcnugget” Evans has the potential as Bakers primary target in TB. If Nick is able to hold Matt off, he will move to 3-0, which I would presume is also his age, and the average amount of guns a Texas residence typically keeps in their kitchen (one of the lesser fortified rooms in the typical household).

75% - 16.48 pts: Robotripping Gardener (2-0) v nate’s Unmatched Team (1-1)

Lots of drama still to unfold in this one as 4 players still remain. With both teams projected over 140 - it will be an honest shame to see either of these two hard working squads go down this week. On nate’s Unmatched team - its an american eagle fest with AJ Brown the D, and K. Not to be confused with DK Metcalf, who also went for 17 for the Nate “can only assume doing an active submarine tour of duty based on responsiveness in the chat”. Those 3 will need to overcome a 37 pt deficit + Jamar Chase’s contribution to flip the script. RB1 Bijan Robinson was the robo’s worst performer this week so expect him to be hitting waivers near you VERY SOON.

58% - 2.25 pts: Fantasizing in mom’s basement (1-1) v Mahomies (0-2)

WELCOME TO THE MAIN EVENT that features Keith “all my bench is injured” vs Diego “Tyreek(flix) and (c)Hill”. Diego has played his final card, a red eyes green dragon xmas surprise to overperform and end up with 134 pts. That leaves Joe Mixon to try and close the 16 pt gap and give Keith his first win of the season. Projections say that this one is likely to come down to a handful of points - so make sure to tune in to see if Diego can become the unluckiest 1-2 team in the league - averaging 140 ppg. As peter once said to the apostles - it’s time for MNF!