Monday Night Football - 2023 Fantasy Preview - Week 2

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will BE USHERED INTO A 30 YEAR INSTALLMENT OF ENDENTURED SERVITUDE FOR AN ESTRANGED CANDY KING - OOMPA LOOMPA STYLE

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

It’s week 2 of the MNFP, in person league meetup week, and matchups are mostly closer than last weeks with 5/6 projected margins of victory < 28 pts. The one notable exception, of course, being the weekly above ground burial of Skylar’s squad at the hands of our honorable, yet problematic, commissioner. We also have the introduction of a second MNF game this week, which helps squeeze an additional 1.5 dollops of intrigue and purpose into our otherwise mundane monday evening. I am writing this while actively on the stand, being tried to war crimes / treason, giving testimony for going over 3x the projected budget for our league’s new Ace hardware. Presenting - the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football League’s MNFP!

Games

(1-0) New Orleans Saints @ (0-1) Carolina Panthers

• 7:15 PM EST
• Line: NO -3.0

(1-0) Pittsburg Steelers @ (0-1) Cleveland Browns

• 8:15 PM EST
• Line: CLE -2.0

Matchups

99% - 76.3 pts: Quad Squad (1-0) v THE proudest boy (0-1)

THE proudest boy stepped up to the plate BIG time this week - and gave the wiffle bat an honest swing - nearly getting to 100 pts after his disgraceful week 1. If Skylar can get Njoku and NO defense to play out of their minds tonight, he might just cross over into the spirit realm - the elusive triple digit club. Unfortunately, he would still be 76 pts behind the absolute juggernaut from central texas. With 5 of the top 16 point scoring players this week - Nick went cheyenne woodley mode all over his opponent in this one, as he is poised to move to 2-0 in this week’s HE CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS - UNJUST SLAP of the week sponsored by Dude Wipes. Look for Sky to make like his name and continue to elevate in week 3

98% - 27.89 pts: Rubba’ Dub Chubb (1-0) v nate’s Unmatched Team (1-0)

I guess yahoo thinks there is roughly a 2% chance Chubb goes for -11 in this one, but in an early battle of unbeatens, Matt should have this one locked up. Rubba’ Dub followed up his week one annihilation with another STRONG week 2 - despite having Aaron Jones out. What is there to say about this one? Matt good, Nate fine? Nate left roughly 21 or so pts on the bench here, so its not full rebuild mode yet. Big dog convention next week with Matt and Nick going head to head, Pachycephalosaurus style.

99% - 25.28 pts: The Doorman (1-0) v Goon Squad (0-1)

Another tough draw for Keith as his projected 124 pts will likely not be enough to upset league crab apple - HY DOAN. What was trending closer, took a turn for the worst late sunday night as Raheem Mostert ran wild over Billy Belichick. Now, its up the big bad Cleveland D to fetch Keith 37 pts tonight to make this one interesting. Not too much the Goon squad could have done differently, with only 10 pts on his bench at the moment. This impressive 150 pt showing should solidify Hy’s standing as one the league’s badguys and strongest managers heading into week 3.

87% - 20.56 pts: Molly (0-1) v Fantasizing in mom’s basement (1-0)

Anything could happen in this battle with 3 players still to take the field tonight. Undefeated Diego plummeted from grace after his nearly 190 pt week 1 and is currently projected to a pedestrian 105. He is going to need Olave and Freiermuth to form a super human and outscore miles “belt” sander by nearly 30. Looking at the math here - this is absolutely not going to happen. Calling it a 13% chance is not fair to Diego’s family. As Jam’s win total teeters on the brink of ticking up to 1, look for him to 10x his involvement in the chat, and 100x his resentment towards spending his time that way.

96% - 18.35 pts: Bow to Queen Stella (0-1) v DeAndre Napkins (0-1)

In the battle of the bottom of the league - its all down to Jamaal “Yugio - idk I was only allowed to collect sports cards and we didn’t have cable” Williams - as Alex will need him to breakout for 30 tonight to overtake Scott. His 20 touches in week 1 were only good enough for 7 pts - so Alex is going to need a little more tickle for the pickle if he stands to dome romp. Scott, on the other hand, looks poised to continue to rise in the league ranks, with a balanced 123 pt week - led by 27 from Tee “shirt” Higgins and another 20 piece nugget from Zach “don’t eat the” Moss on the bench. If you see Jamall punch 1-2 TDs in tonight, start to pay attention here.

84% - 14.44 pts: Robotripping Gardener (1-0) v I will throttle you (0-1)

WELCOME TO TONIGHT’S closest showdown of the week where the brother bowl remains closer than the bunk beds that they spent their first 18 years sleeping on (Patrick was forced to move to bottom bunk once he crossed significantly over the 250 lb mark - per builder specifications). This one has all the characteristics of a nail biter, as the Robotripping Gardener sits 18 down with Deshaun Watson and Najee Harris still to take the field. 94pts in week 1 and 110 in week 2 despite being projected to go over 125 in both - Dan’s I WILL THROTTLE YOU squad is beginning to lose credibility in the digital forums. If things get shloppy jalopy tonight, Dan might just secure his first win by day break. Tune in and good luck to all in tonight’s contests.