Monday Night Football - 2023 Fantasy Preview - Week 12
A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will HAVE YOUR THRID GRADE VALENTINE’S DAY LETTERS RELEASED VIA THE FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT
Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight
Playoffs, like the final decimation of the polar ice caps, are right around the corner! 😱 And, to keep the simile going, things are heating up! It’s an NFC North show down tonight featuring Justin “Grain” Fields vs Josh “INERTIA IS A PROPERTY OF MATTER” Dobbs with absolutely massive playoff implications - both in fantasy land, and also IN COLD HARD STEEL DETROIT REAL LIFE LAND. As things stand today, the biggest twist, is Diego trading a life of happiness with a real life proposal, for plummeting out the fantasy leaderboard very likely to extend his losing streak to 4 straight after a hot 6-2 start. This descent into madness is extra problematic for the rest of the league as he is the clear and away favorite to grab the point based 6th spot if he didn’t consume a record based spot, with a projected lead of over 100 points over the rest of the field with only 2 weeks to go. Look for members of the league with a vested interest in his success to “weigh in” or “helpfully remind him” to make certain lineup decisions as the weeks roll on. But enough jabber (sponsored by Cisco, a hype and modern AI company) - IT’S THE MNFP
Games
(3-8) Chicago Bears @ (6-5) Minnesota Vikings
- 8:15 PM EST
- Line: MIN -3
Matchups
✅ - 65.93 pts: Butt to Cock is Back (7-4) v Jackson Mahomes r best bro (4-7)
He’s bigger, he’s better, he’s too much more Jackson Mahomes r best bro and it’s his record 4th biggest GUS SMACKER delicious jams and jellies PRESERVATION ROOM FIRESALE EVERYTHING MUST GO of the year. Everything Hurts for Jam (extending his losing streak to 6 games after a 4-2 start), who was off enjoying his honeymoon as Hy rode McCaffery and Jalen for a combined 71 against the belgian prime minister, holding onto playoff hopes by an absolute thread after this week. Hy appears to be sharpening his knives for a playoff raid, as he will make a push to secure a playoff bye over the next few weeks, which would require a either Nick or Patrick to lose out (1 loss is guaranteed with rivalry week pinning the two against eachother).
✅ - 29.87 pts: BIG Problem (6-5) v Nathan 4 moo x2 (4-7)
In the battle of the roommates, Dan took nate to the barn yard, and made him moo x3 behind another monster day from Dak, and a season high from Isiah Pacheco. Nate now enters protocol ORANGE as he almost certainly needs Diego to start winning to have a chance at playoffs. Should be noted that Nate leads the points against race by a country mile. He just brings the best out of people, that’s why we love him - and not because hes somehow a near guaranteed victory for our respective squads every week we play him. Look for Nate to enter the part of the season where you begin making sacrifices to Chubba Hubbard.
99% - 29.12 pts: Robotripping Gardener (9-2) v Go lions (5-6)
The king glizzy himself sits down 41 going into tonight’s clash, with DJ Moore still to take the field. Moore is slowly putting together a pretty great season with individual weeks of 46.5, 26.1, and 21 in recent memory, and will need all of that mojo to pull off the miracle in Minneapolis. Alex bet the house on the Lions this week, and paid the ultimate price with the defense only managing 1.25 against the cheese militia from green bay. Patrick can lock up a first round bye next week as he attempts to dethrone Dan, who will be actively rafting down Victoria Falls during the duel.
95% - 24.36 pts: Quad Squad (9-2) v Collusion buster (3-8)
Keith gave it the ole college try but has a massive challenge still ahead as he sits down 16 going into tonight. He will need to close that gap plus whatever T.J. Hockenson can muster with big BAD TY CHANDLER (who has recently become the viking’s #2) and has been doing fine. Though you would have suspected Nick to be sub 100 based on his rate of complaint in the chat, Nick’s absurd 85 pts between Josh Allen and Kyren Williams have made this one safely out of reach for the collusion buster. A loss here would force Keith to turn his attention towards avoiding last place - as he would be all but eliminated from playoff contention.
81% - 13.6 pts: Charbonnet region of France (4-7) v Fantasizing in mom’s basement (6-5)
CAN ADDISON AND MATTISON MOVE TO MADISON AND HANG WITH ROBERT PATTENSON TO SCORE 38 PATTENSONS (points)? If not, it’s all SCOTT who pitched a very complete game this week nearly all of his players scoring greater than 10pts and 6 over 15pts. It’s been a decent one for Diego as well, who still sits comfortably in 3rd in the overall points scored conversation after this week. As outlined in the intro, Diego letting off the gas could prove catastrophic for the playoff bubble teams hoping to grab that 6th spot on points scored - as he would need to have a complete breakdown in back to back weeks to bring his average low eough to be overtaken. Keep her tuned!
68% - 5.54 pts: By Chubb’s Grace (6-5) v Baby Toy (3-8)
Seems like every week that Matt is featured in the BIGGEST NAILBITER (sponsored by actual stress, anxiety, and boredom) OF THE WEEK and this week is no different as he takes a healthy 35pt lead into tonight’s showdown BUT WAIT - Skylar is bringing the house to try ad close this deficit between the Passtronaut, Josh Dobbs - Roschon “16 pts in 4 games as the RB 2” Johnson, and Cole Kmet. A shootout probably means good things for Skylar - but when have things worked out for him in the past (professional football wise). We all appreciate him cashing out all his good Karma during the game on saturday - but now it’s time for… MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
Projected standings after MNF
10-2 - 1663.84 - Quad Squad
10-2 - 1519.56 - Robotripping Gardener
8-4 - 1632.11 - Butt to Cock is Back
7-5 - 1490.46 - BIG Problem
7-5 - 1438.13 - By Chubb’s Grace
6-6 - 1536.37 - Fantasizing in mom’s basement
5-7 - 1421.08 - Charbonnet region of France
5-7 - 1344.31 - Go lions
4-8 - 1449.49 - Nathan 4 moo x2
4-8 - 1422.64 - Jackson Mahomes r best bro
3-9 - 1360.15 - Collusion buster
3-9 - 1219.74 - Baby Toy
Points for rankings after MNF
1663.84 - Quad Squad
1632.11 - Butt to Cock is Back
1536.37 - Fantasizing in mom’s basement
1519.56 - Robotripping Gardener
1490.46 - BIG Problem
1449.49 - Nathan 4 moo x2
1438.13 - By Chubb’s Grace
1422.64 - Jackson Mahomes r best bro
1421.08 - Charbonnet region of France
1360.15 - Collusion buster
1344.31 - Go lions
1219.74 - Baby Toy