Monday Night Football - 2023 Fantasy Preview - Week 11
A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will BE FORCED TO WATCH SUB-10-LIKE GEN ALPHA MAGIC TIKTOK UNTIL THEY TALENT SCOUT THE NEXT DAVID BLAINE
Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight
It is officially thanksgiving week and we have entered the waning crescent lunar phase of the regular season. 1 MNF game and 3 full weeks remain until the playoffs and much like Nick on black friday when he realizes Target is out of size XS superman onesies, things are HEATED. As things stand today, there will likely be a 3 way tie for 4th place, with another 4 teams sitting within 2 games of that mark. From here on out, the MNFP will introduce a preview of the playoff implications in the apple bottom section of the newsletter. If this new format displeases you, maybe try tai chi? Tonight’s monday night game featuring two of the best teams in the league, involves all but 1 fantasy matchup - and promises to be a point explosion the likes of which, have only been seen at your neighborhood dave and bust a nutter butters whack-a-mole world championships sponsored by BIG RUBBER MALLET. It’s the MNFP!
Games
(8-1) Philadelphia Eagles @ (7-2) Kansas City Chiefs
- 8:15 PM EST
- Line: KC -2.5
Matchups
99% - 34.28 pts: Quad Squad (8-2) v Chubbs Revenge (4-6)
130 points might not quite be enough to avoid being this week’s biggest FATHERLY DISSAPOINTMENT sponsored by HIGH EXPECTATIONS and LACK OF PRAISE for Jam and Chubbs Revenge as Nick and the Quad Squad keep their vice gripped lower extremities around the juggular of the league. True to its name - Saquad and Josh Allen quad stomped their way to a current 60 pt lead for Bic. Mahomes (jackson or otherwise) is Jam’s final chance to change the tides in this one, and Patrick will need to single handedly make up the difference - much like he must single handedly offset the reputational damage to his family caused by Brittany and Jackson.
97% - 31.06 pts: Nathan 4 moo x2 (3-7) v Baby Toy (3-7)
In the battle for last place, Nate is currently up 24 on Skylar with AJ Brown still to take the field. AJ is AVERAGING a staggering 19ppg but don’t let that discourage you Sky.. If Harrison “all I see is” Butker can close the 25 + AJ gap, then we will be taking an additional step towards a world where Nate is this league’s last place finisher, as well as its 6th place playoff entrant with the most points for. Such an event might trigger the libs more than my social justice and equality standup set that ive been beta testing behind the bleachers at Thirlby field.
94% - 17.82 pts: Butt to Cock is Back (6-4) v (1) Hungry hippo (4-6)
We can all thank Hy for having a team name too vulgar for DallE to process my query. Unrelated - anyone else feel like Sam Altman needs to be brought back so people can exercise their god given rights to generate tasteful AI softcore? Scott holds a 7pt lead over the currently bronze kettlist from Mesopotamia, with Jalen “what you don’t know, doesn’t” Hurts. Jalen has never gone under 15 and has been closer to a 30pt average over the last 8 hence the 6% chance for Scott. That being said, I don’t know that Hy has ever encountered a hippo this hungry…
76% - 13.99 pts: BIG Problem (5-5) v Go lions (5-5)
Alex will be praying for an aerial assault by the chiefs but a grounding approach by the eagles in tonight’s game as this one remains TIGHT in a critical battle of the 5-5s. On the go lions side - true to his allegiance: D’Andre Swift VERSUS DeVonta Smith and Isiah Pacheco. Alex is still refusing to start Deandre Hopkins despite him averaging 14.5ppg over the last 6… smells like there might be a BIG Problem in Alex’s marriage if this bias prevents him from bringing home the champion’s who hash xmas roast at seasons end.
✅ - 9.23 pts: Robotripping Gardener (8-2) v Fantasizing in mom’s basement (6-4)
This one is wrapped up tighter than Kelce’s end after having to outsprint a posse of Argentinian swifties last week - temple run style. Diego came up just short, as the dueling sunflowers raced towards the sun - powered by Tlaw’s season high day of 35 pts. The loss will drop Diego to 6-5, but with a firm lead on points scored, should he fall out of the top 5. As for the Robo…
58% - 2.73 pts: By Chubb’s Grace (5-5) v Collusion buster (3-7)
IT’S THE MAINNNNNNN EVENT - and this one is about to get CAROLINA REAPER. It’s a 17.5 pt lead for Matt with BIG BAD Travis CELERY on the mound for the collusion buster. Kelce has gone > 17 in around half the games this year, but is coming off a 2.9 point outing, and a bye in which he spent making rave candy bracelets in buenos aires. Tune in tonight to see if Travis can make like that squirrel he saw that one times when we tweeted: “I just gave a squirrel a piece of bread and it straight smashed all of it.”
Projected standings after MNF
9-2 - 1507.6 - Quad Squad
9-2 - 1400.03 - Robotripping Gardener
7-4 - 1458.37 - Butt to Cock is Back
6-5 - 1400.02 - Fantasizing in mom’s basement
6-5 - 1347.33 - BIG Problem
6-5 - 1319.4 - By Chubb’s Grace
5-6 - 1247.56 - Go lions
4-7 - 1353.28 - Nathan 4 moo x2
4-7 - 1317.26 - Chubbs Revenge
4-7 - 1270.57 - (1) Hungry hippo
3-8 - 1230.21 - Collusion buster
3-8 - 1110.06 - Baby Toy
Points for rankings after MNF
🏈 1507.6 - Quad Squad
🏈 1458.37 - Butt to Cock is Back
🏈 1400.03 - Robotripping Gardener
🏈 1400.02 - Fantasizing in mom’s basement
1353.28 - Nathan 4 moo x2
🏈 1347.33 - BIG Problem
1319.4 - By Chubb’s Grace
1317.26 - Chubbs Revenge
1270.57 - (1) Hungry hippo
1247.56 - Go lions
1230.21 - Collusion buster
1110.06 - Baby Toy