Monday Night Football - Fantasy Preview - Week 9

November 6, 2022

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will BE FORCIBLY ENROLLED IN TIKTOK ACADEMY - YOUR 1 WAY SHOT TO THE TIK TOK TOP


Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

This might be the most boring MNFP of the year, but here we are. Every single matchup features the higher seeded team sitting (with the exception of Diego/Keith) at a 99% likelihood of victory, heading into tonight’s showdown betwixt the big bad RAVENs of charm city vs the demigods from the big easy. If the content feels dry, dunkaroo your phone in a glass of agua. If projections hold, we are going to be looking at the following margins of victory:

  • 36 Nick
  • 31 Alex
  • 28 Patrick
  • 26 Scott
  • 24 Hy
  • 15 Diego (If he starts a defense)

If the following content feels dry, dunkaroo your phone in a glass of agua. It’s time for the MNFP


Games

(5-3) Baltimore Ravens @ (3-5) New Orleans Saints

  • 8:15 PM EST
  • Line: BAL -1.5


Matchups

99% Nick (4-4) v Skylar (3-5)

Skylar “Im sad and I know it” Diggums looks to be adding a 4th L in a row to his meteoric fall from grace with this week’s leading contender for the “OHHHHHH YEA THATS GOOD - Burlap Bandicoot Ida Potato BIGGEST SACK OF THE WEEK”, and the hands of Nick “Creamsicle” Bar-down steez commander. It’s Olave “lip balm” Chris for Nick and Justin “money booter” Tucker for the team the team the team. We can only hope skylar has deleted his fantasy app, and replaced it with a background of the CFP Rankings at this point. He’s called Mr every three weekly for a reason, as Sky has finally manifested his destiny with his fall to 3-6.

99% Alex (7-1) v Dan (4-4)

Dan put together a masterclass in scoring in this loss, as exceptional outings across the board were not enough for Joe “more points than whole season combined” Mixon’s absolutely sinister day. 53 points put this one assuredly out of reach as Joe and the Juice continuously pounded Dan’s spirits like a regular at Dan’s bar. Alex solidified his villain status with this one, in his second consecutive 145+ pt week. Kamara will take the field for a victory lap tonight, as Dan will be left soul searching the himalayas - big summer blowout style.

99% Patrick (4-4) v Matt #1 (4-4)

Matt really turned in a real dud this week, with projections coming in just under 75. HOWEVER, Patrick’s soul has been broken by Kenyan Drake on MNF before, so this one is not over yet. Matt will need an unlikely 30 + Isaiah Likely’s total to turn the tides in the battle of the 4-4s. Two true midpack keyboard warriors in this one, exhibiting strong secondary character energy. Expect both these managers to examine their rosters for bums in the coming weeks - and make changes accordingly.

99% Scott (7-1) v Jam (3-5)

Another MNFP, another Jam left pleading for a miracle. Down 57, likely not even super Lamar can get him out of this one. Scott rode the elysium Patriots into the afterlife with a 38 pt performance, and never looked back - poised to run away with this year’s scoring title, with a lead of >100 over second place (for now - Alex closing the gap). The stage has been set for the big 8-1 bonanza next week with Alex vs Scott. Jam, a mere $20 FAAB to his name, will look to rebound next week against the heavily favored and highly venerated Robotussin Buss Down champion of the southern californian barren river delta.

99% Hy (6-2) v Matt #2 (1-7)

Lounging in the shadows of third place, like an engorged pit viper after swallowing a cow - Hy will watch this MNF matchup comfortably up 16 on the lowly Matt #2 with Taysom Hill ready to rumble for style points. In a largely docile matchup, it was the unexpected Jason “grazing with day 1s” Fields who exploded for 42 pts to break the gridlock. Matt reestablishes his post at the bottom of the league barrel with this performance, scoring almost 300 pts less than Scott - 9 games into the season. To add insult to injuries, Yahoo does not like his chances to win another one from this point out. On the bright side, Matt should now be able to get his potted floral arrangement burner twitter account verified in the coming weeks - if hes willing to pay the piper/musk ox.

99% Diego (2-6) v Keith (3-5)

IN TONIGHT’S MAIN EVENTTTTTTT - Diego clutches to a 5 pt lead, like a Karen to her Michael Kors in a fine neighborhood. The question - will he start the Baltimore defense and risk the possible backslide in points (lowest theve scored this year = 5) or will he cowardly/intelligently move his squad to the bench and take the narrow victory. The mere existence of the choice is technically what makes this matchup into the on tap MNF THRILL RIDE that it is. As of time of writing, Diego has PULLED his defense like some Texas pork after it’s initial 16 hour marinade. YOU SIMPly CANNOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP. If Diego holds on to this one, the league will have 4 teams knotted in a 3-6 fine/bad-a-thon towards the bottom of the league. Let’s play football!