Monday Night Football - Fantasy Preview - Week 5
A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will BRAINWASHED INTO THINKING THIS EDITION OF THE MNFP REPRESENTS ALL THE REST AND ISN’T JUST BAD QUALITY BECAUSE OF THE TIME PRESSURE OF PATRICK HAVING TO MOVE TO SAN DIEGO TONIGHT
Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight
We must be reporting live from the Iowa caucasus because tonight, we have 3 potential SWING matchups heading into the SHOWDOWN featuring the bag raiders of LV vs the state farm ribeyes from KC. I cannot tell you how heavy the absolutely immense pressure of needing to pen the MNFP is impacting my already fragile mental state, and surrounding loved ones respoectively. That being said - ARRRRG YA READY FOR SOME PIGBOOTY! Absolutely come on with that, where are the editors - last time I mechanical twerk out with my gerk out.
Games
(1-3) Los Vegas Raiders @ (3-1) Kansas City Chiefs
- 8:15 PM EST
- Line: KC -7
Matchups
✅ Skylar (2-2) v Jam (1-3)
The culo gobbling king himself, got his culo handed to him by the big bad Brady bunch. No idea how Jam keeps losing with his star studded lineup. We are talking about having two of the top 5 rbs in the league + Lamar and receiving the “OHHHHHH YEA THATS GOOD - Burlap Bandicoot Ida Potato BIGGEST SACK OF THE WEEK” twice in a row. Ouch much, bad job much?
99% Alex (3-1) v Keith (2-2)
Keith needs the impish daniel “tucker” carlson to put an absolute leg on a ball tonight for ~30 to make this one close. If Alex holds on, he will be threatening the top spot in this league, and will then be retroactively punished for every past complaint about team performance that can be chronicled in the chat. The punishment - 1 tooth converted to british style for each instance. Alex’s impunity was on full display this week as he was able to win with only 100 points, how is that fair or fun?
92% Nick (2-2) v Hy (4-0)
Yahoo devs smokin that zaza with this projection - as nick holds a 6 pt lead and still has Adams to play - barring an absolutely catastrophic collapse here, nick will have fallen the most petrified tree in Texas. Hy took his eye off the prize this week, alegedly going to a few musical concerts in exchange for his typical time in lineup R&D. Look for doan’s edge to fall off a cliff in weeks to come, hopefully metphorically.
81% Matt #2 (0-4) v Dan (1-3)
Dan needs Mahomes to outscore waller by 27 tonight to complete the miracle on lice. Matt currently standing head and shoulders above the competition looking to secure his first week of the season (with as many waiver moves, and messages in the chat). Look for this win to instill the confidence in all of us to take that risk, add that zero to that waiver faab bid, bury the hatchet (not in the halloween candy) with an old friend turned outsider.
60% Scott (4-0) v Patrick (2-2)
If Josh Jacobs can outscore Kelce by 3 points tonight, we are going to be looking at a very close matchup, and the potential fall of the last undefated titan. Some are calling the robotripping gardner, “the people’s champion” as he looks to overcome the setback of a zero pt qb and slight personal allergy to latex in this one.
52% Diego (1-3) v Matt #1 (2-2)
It’s one of those awful ones to watch for Matt #1 tonight. He will be glued to his TV set praying C.E.H stays under 12 points. For Diego - he looks to solidify his destiny as that one guy who needs CEH to put it in turbo mode. Let’s play ball - I have a pulsing migraine headache