Monday Night Football - Fantasy Preview - Week 2

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will be OBLIGATED TO FILM 15 TIKTOK DRAFTS WITH JACKSON MAHOMES

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

You know that feeling where you are all ready to give birth to a beautiful child, and you lay down on the examination table, put your legs in the stirrups, lather yourself up with ultrasound examination jelly, and it turns out …. you are having TWINS!?!? Well - it’s week two, and it’s time for MNF DOUBLE HEADERS. Two heads out the birth canal and TWICE the chaos on MNF. But don’t panic, just death grip those fragile fingers of your nearest loved one, and let the soothing tongue of the MNFP and the excruciating pain of your cervix widening to the size of a football meet in tango of euphoria. It is ok going to be ok (or it wont).

Games

(0-1) Tennessee Titans @ (1-0) Buffalo Bills

• 7:15 PM EST - 1:15 AM CET
• Line: BUF -10.0

(1-0) Minnesota Vikings @ (1-0) Philadelphia Eagles

• 8:30 PM EST - 2:30 AM CET
• Line: PHI -2.5

Matchups

✅ Skylar (1-0) v Matt #2 (0-1)

“It’s simple - we kill the Bateman” Matt was heard saying in a dark alley leading into this one. Unfortunately his plans were foiled by 2 (TD) Kupps, 1 Girl (Brady) as Skylar eeked out a < 4 pt win (the difference if Matt had started Stafford over Rodgers) to head to 2-0 on the season. Certain unjust actions simply must be punished. The Ohioan falls to 0-2, and hopes that Juju publishes more points than tiktoks in the coming weeks (2.5 pts to 3 toks respectively).

99% Scott (1-0) v Nick (0-1)

Scott heads into Monday night with a projected margin of victory of 43 with Josh Allen still to take the field. Odds are this one ends up being the “OHHHHHH YEA THATS GOOD - Burlap Bandicoot Ida Potato BIGGEST SACK OF THE WEEK”, Scott’s second of the season. Nick ought to be ashamed of himself for starting a QB with such feeble ankle bones, too much soy and almond milk for these Gen X qbs. It’s Jimmy Season in SF and its sad season in Nick’s heart and soul.

84% Patrick (0-1) v Diego (0-1)

BY THE POWER OF RAAAAAAAA. Still a ton of football to be played in this one (2 vs 3 positions across both games) but the honorable, venerable, merciful and just robotripping gardener holds a commanding 44 pt lead heading into tonight’s fanfare. Manager Diego made waves earlier this week executing a brilliant acquisition of CEH and Christian Kirk (> 35 pts this week), but he will need the King, the bASS, and Jalen to come alive tonight. Just days out from being mocked in the public square for his lavish investment in Carson “and to dust YOU shall return” Wentz - Patrick’s ventured back squadron - guaranteed to repeat - is beginning to take shape.

82% Hy (1-0) v Alex (1-0)

All of Hy’s hay is in the barn, as he holds a 40 pt lead over Alex’s band of misfit toys. The royal (oak) manager presumably had most of his weapons at half mast to mourn the passing of the Queen this week - as he suffered under performances at every position. Look for AJ Brown and Devin Singletary to make up the difference tonight for Alex “total of 5.3 points on my entire bench” Quinlan.

81% Jam (0-1) v Matt #1 (0-1)

Lamar and Chubb nearly put up a full fantasy team’s point load themselves (73) for Jam, but Matt #1 is NOT GOING AWAY. A tall ask, but the Stanley Yelnats fan boy will need Stefon “look me in the eyes and tell me you love me” DIGGS to outscore Dalvin + Goedert + GREG “Jesus Mary AND” JOSEPH to make this one interesting. Likely? No… Possible? No

71% Keith (1-0) v Dan (0-1)

ALL EYES ARE ON THIS ONE as the woke king Daniel Pilson attempts to guzzle his way from behind against the Keith “Daddy” Taylormade. Keith ignited the chat earlier this week when he recommended Dan replace his injured and Out flex WR Julio Jones 2 minutes after kickoff. The shadow manager pleaded not guilty, claiming that he wasn’t aware of the kickoff time. In Keith’s defense, we have no reason to believe Dan has internet access at all, or running water, yet alone has checked the chat in the last month. Regardless of the camp you reside in for this divisive matchup made in Valhalla - things could get very interesting if Justin Jefferson gets going like he did last week.