Monday Night Football - Fantasy Preview - Week 12

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will HAVE THEIR HEAD CRUSHED LIKE A WATERMELON BETWEEN TWO THICC THIGHS

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

There’s been a MURDER IN SAVANNAH/COLUMBUS - It’s UofM appreciation week as all the matchups are poised to have a wolverine victor. To be fair, 9 or 10 (not sure about Diego - Diego, would love to learn your life story some time, are you here of your own free will?) of our 12 managers went to Michigan BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT. The season is winding down, playoff aspirations are still alive for nearly everyone but Matt #2 - AND IT’S ALMOST FALL. So grab your pumpkin spice, saddle up to a metal or woodworking shop bench - and enjoy the MNFP - “it’s not the WSJ, but we’ll offer you damn comparable financial advice”.

Games

(3-7) Pittsburg Steelers @ (4-6-1) Indianapolis Colts

• 8:15 PM EST
• Line: INDY -2.5

Matchups

✅ - 71.04 pts: Robotripping Gardener (6-5) v Trouble With the Snap (3-8)

Skylar greatly exceeded expectations but was rewarded with a right proper bilge pumping from the Robotronic Garnisher. That makes 7 straight losses for Sky, and the victim of the “OHHHHHH YEA THATS GOOD - Burlap Bandicoot Ida Potato BIGGEST SACK OF THE WEEK” for the 3rd time in 4 weeks. The 3 RBs of the robo squad nearly outscored “Trouble With the Snap” on their own - and the rest was just Salt Bae seasoning. Fortunately, none of this matters, because the wolverines of AA, liked and did bad thangs to them scalawags from down below - and Skylar instantly attained nirvana as the clock hit 00:00. All the twitter flaming and incoherent babbling at local wateringholes was worth it for the disgraced manager, and Wolverines worldwide.

✅ - 23.6 pts: FUCK IT UP KENNETH (8-3) v Doja Cat’s Dojo Mat (1-10)

Alex did everything he could to underdeliver on expectations - leaving substantial beef marooned on the bench (60+ representing an optimal upside of 35+), but in the end, Matt’s team was just too bad to capitalize - underdelivering by even more. Averaging league worst, 96 points per week, Doja Cat’s Dojo Mat said, “what if none of my skill players scored over 10 points this week?” - and executed flawlessly. This is actually quite tough to do, provided you are playing starters - but Matt is a professional, he has been here before. “1-11 has a nice ring to it” - Alex retorts, as he dumps Matt’s metaphorical dead body into the thames and locks up his playoff birth in this one.

✅ - 21.28 pts: Club PED (9-2) v JY (5-6)

You know the feeling you get, when you bus in your 2 hour commute into your work box to perform your arbitrary market work function. You sit down, tap the bobble head scooby doo that you recently completed the hr paperwork to apply for permission to decorate your desk with - and you whisper to your miniature great dane friend “Mondays, am I right?”. That is the type of belabored feeling I am left with after continuously acknowledging yet another Hy Doan original victory - this time over league sweetheart and designated east coast belligerent, Jam. This win was so incredibly uninspiring, that it didn’t remind me of anything at all - westworld style. Hy, with his playoff berth locked, now will be tied with Scott at the top of the league, duking it out for the 1 seed.

99% - 33.83 pts: Broncos country let’s ride (6-5) v We’re going drinking (6-5)

I lot of people think its Gucci, but really, it’s Louis. In a CRITICAL matchup soaked in playoff implications - back to his original name, Dan lowered the HAMMER on Nick’s feeble squad of dorkazoids. Etienne took an early arrow to the knee, and things continued to go downhill from there for the Austin native, Nick “come on man, how many times do I have to tell you I am not from Texas” Barden. Nick would need Parris Campbell to go off for 44+ to make this one close. Dan also locked up the “weird flex but ok” award with a whopping 3 empty bench slots. He was later quoted saying, “they couldn’t fit on my boat” and adding a slurred “simplicity is the ultimate sophistication”.

99% - 22.7 pts: Fantasizing in mom’s basement (4-7) v Do the pollard waddle (10-1)

Diego had simply had enough of the talking, the slander, and the overall jackassery in the chat this week - and took out his rage against our league’s top dawg SCOTT. HOWEVER, there is a still a path to Scott victory - if George Pickens were to haul in 30+ pts tonight, behind the stable arm and similarly named likes of Kenny Pickett. An absolute masterclass of a matchup by Diego - as that makes 4 wins in 5 weeks for Diego as he continuous his crusade up the rankings. Scott, having already solidified his spot in the playoffs, and still performing above weekly expectations - may opt to spare the lashings owed to his basement quants for this L. For their sake, let’s hope he is feeling merciful.

74% - 9.72 pts: SMH (3-8) v I Like Diggin Holes (5-6)

With only 3 total weeks left, it is live or die time for both these squadrons. In the only matchup closer than a 99% likelihood of victory, it’s the ragin’ cajun KEITH vs the camp green lake chancellor MATT #1. Keith holds a delicate flower of a 3 pt lead with big bad Jonathon Taylor still to take the field. Matt will need to hitch up his wagon to the german bellcow PAT FREIERMUTH and pray for chaos in this one - to keep his playoff surge healthy. One neednt look farther back then week 8, to find a time freiermuth outscored JT. Good luck to both, and let’s hope Keith starts a tightend who will be targeted, next week.