Monday Night Football - Fantasy Preview - Week 10

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will BE CHALLENGED TO BETTER THEMSELVES - WHAT IS ONE TOXIC TRAIT THAT YOU COULD TARGET TODAY

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

No it is not I SPY week. If you notice any subtle changes to this weeks MNFP, you are delusional and an AI is DEFINITELY NOT writing this MNFP as we squeak. Nah, but this is the first preview seeded by a crawler that creeps the intaglement of yahoo sports. As the product manager of pdubslax.com, we anticipate immeasureable quality of life improvements for our beat writers. They may even now be able to attend their dentist appointments. Moving on, before Elon sets his sites on our bloated engineering staff! It’s the stain of the nation COMMANDERS vs the Eagles from the city of brotherly love. We have a real treat tonight, as we have 3 games still projected to finish within 15 pts of eachother. That means fathers kissing their sons, sons dating their pets, and the Manning brothers hollering until the cows come home.

Games

(4-5) Washington Commanders @ (8-0) Philadelphia Eagles

• 8:15 PM EST
• Line: PHIL -11

Matchups

Leader's win liklihood - Projected margin of victory

✅ - 37.38 pts: Club PED (7-2) v SMH (3-6)

In the only matchup of the week yet to formally close its phantom doors, blockbuster style, Hy “don’t wake the baby” Doan absolutely rode Keith down the old town road and out of town. A clear violation of the geneva convention relishing in his OSU players success, Justin Fields erupted all over the Keith’s fertile crescent despite promsing performances from his top drafted stable of RBs for the first time this season. Unfortunately, Hy is looking playoff bound, as the rest of the league prays on his downfall.

99% - 40.72 pts: I Like Diggin Holes (4-5) v Doja Cat’s Dojo Mat (1-8)

It’s the current leading contender for this week’s “OHHHHHH YEA THATS GOOD - Burlap Bandicoot Ida Potato BIGGEST SACK OF THE WEEK” as Matt #1 took his turn at the Matt #2 dunk tank. This years battle of the Matts certainly did disappoint as Doja Cat looks poised to head to his third biggest blowout of the season. Look for Jake the Quake Elliott to preserve Matt’s dignity with a golden boot tonight. In the meantime, Matt #1 looks to be heading back to 500, not to be confused with that movie where they kick the guy into the pit.

90% - 22.48 pts: Do the pollard waddle (8-1) v FUCK IT UP KENNETH (8-1)

HOLD THE PRESSSSES, HOLD THE PRESSES! This one is not over yet. The battle of the league’s elite and pompus still features a WR duel that Alex hopes will ignite his tele - as he needs A”ntonio”J Brown and Scary Larry McLaurin to wrastle up 47 pts - gator style. Someone will need to go ballistic jelly donuts to prevent Scott from sitting squarely and solely atop the iron basement quant throne. This may prove to be cosmic “special brownie” karma to Alex for unleashing a damaging swear in his public team name, when he knows full well about the army of tweens that subscribes to this blog, as former followers of Episoide Coder Pat back at Pocket Gems circa 2018. Loser hear gets a full blown flouride treatment - dental style.

82% - 14.16 pts: Fantasizing in mom’s basement (3-6) v Your mom goes to basement (5-4)

Zoinks, Rube! It’s Diego time concocting a rube goldberg machine of interconnected strategic brilliance to hold a 2 pt lead heading into tonight’s affair. Nick has the philly cheese D, and Diego has Jalen “what she doesn’t know wont” Hurts her. As Wash is nearly guarenteed to play dead tonight, this one could be highly intriguing. Look for Nick to post a lot of cryptic hate mail to the chat as we approach double zeros. Diego looks to continue his tear through the standings, extending his win streak to 3.

69% - 7.46 pts: JY (3-6) v Robopippin Bumgardener (5-4)

The robo gardener’s fate hangs delicately in the balance, perfectly executing his plan thus far, to be sitting at 69% liklihood to lose. But now, unfortunately for JY Jelly - it’s cloberin time. Miles “belt” Sanders needs to outscore “Why did I name my son” Dallas G by 9 and the streets of Boston will turn to clam chowder, flash flooding Jam and his soon to be lifeless 3-7 corpse out to sea, Jack and Rose door style. Regardless of who wins tonight, we have all learned a valuable lesson - never start Greg Dulcich while Russ is being denied entry into the Kitchen. A humble new age haiku (doesn’t have any rules) to the vulturing media, gorged and slippery from their grotesque schadenfreude:

From Russ - joy you have took

No longer may he cook

69% - 5.11 pts: We’re going streaking (4-5) v Bo Yo? No. Bo Bad! (3-6)

Devonta Smith - needs 5.2 for Dan to win. Last week, he scored 3.2. The week before: 4.8. The week before that: BYE. This guy can’t score 5.2 to save his life! In classic “were going streaking” fashion, Dan looks to lock up the dub and move to 500 after racking up a whopping 0 pts from his RB core - by starting an injured Zeke, and lowering the hammer by starting that SF fullback beefboy, a part of an absolutely stacked norcal backfield. Skylar may not have all the mucho gusto in the cantina, but he does have the most rostered QBs in the league - at a healthy 3. It is Monday night - LET’S PLAY DENTIST!