Monday Night Football - Fantasy Preview - Week 1

September 12, 2022

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will be BANISHED TO THE ISLE OF PERPETUAL TICKLING

Koch Safari League Preview Watch Guide for Tonight

Another trip around the sun - and here we are. Our D’s are in our hands, and it’s finally week 1 of MNP. Since we’ve last gathered in this sacred space - some of us have been blessed with beautiful families, some of us have dabbled in the ancient practice of marriage, and still some… have done this. As we approach this inaugural kickoff, let us reflect back on the past year - recalling the ups the downs, and the times when you were already mathematically eliminated from contention before the MNP kickoff, with a broken handed QB and a DEEP regret for the time already invested in FF. For life is like a coin, you can spend it any way you wish, but most of the ways are liable to be highly visable and heavily critiqued by society/friends/family. To SEASON 3


(0-0) Denver Broncos @ (0-0) Seattle Seahawks

  • 8:15 PM EST - 2:15 AM CET
  • Line: DEN -6.0


✅ Skylar (0-0) v Patrick (0-0)

Bad things sometimes happen to good people. Bambi for example. Pat plays the rare perfect inverse lineup but it wouldn’t have mattered. Skylar came hard and correct, and wrapped up a 40 point trouncing of the custodians of shloppy toppy - the robotrippin gardener.

99% Scott (0-0) v Diego (0-0)

Scott heads into MNF clinging to a 62 pt lead, with Diego hoping Nick jacked up the defensive scoring enough for denver D to close the gap - or at least prevent him from becoming the “OHHHHHH YEA THATS GOOD - Burlap Bandicoot Ida Potato BIGGEST SACK OF THE WEEK” and suffering a devistating team name change - bringing an immesnse amount of shame to his family.

99% Keith (0-0) v Matt #1 (0-0)

Matt experiencing PTSD from the ole days on this one, when Keith was just a little bit better at Call of Duty. Prestiged a little bit faster. Ate his Wendys with a little more gusto. Barring Juedy throwing it in reverse for 13 points, this one is OVER.

Footnote: we had to let both our stastician and fact checker go - citing disordially office conduct, excessive horse play with questionable undertones - so Matt could have very well been the better @ CoD

97% Alex (0-0) v Matt #2 (0-0)

Far too many players taking the field to type out in this matchup (3). But Matt #2 needs a christmas miracle, even more astounding than the conduct demonstrated in every other Elon Tweet. If Javonte Williams has a career night - Matt vows to bake his me-maw an apple pie every other fortnight, and to stop reading 50 shades of grey

89% Hy (0-0) v Jam (0-0)

Doan enters the gladitorial arena as Maximus Decimus Meridius once did, down 12 but with a few weapons still up his sleve. Hoping for the Russ/Sutton connection to be looking like that Martha Stewart/Snoop Dog connection here to fend off Green Eggs and Jam.

55% Nick (0-0) v Dan (0-0)

Approximately 1116 pennys worth of points will be required for Dan to purchase a box of cracker jacks, and a victory over Nick’s motely crew of football people. We still have little reason to presume that Dan has access to his account yet this season