Monday Night Football - Fantasy Preview - Week 5

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will have their TONSILS REINSERTED

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Forward

In another strange week, the COVID implications from the Tennessee Titans and New England Patriots sent ripple effects across the league, prompting the the front office to adjust 8 games to accommodate the changes. Make sure to adjust your lineups accordingly and stay tuned to the news as this may be the new normal. After the dust settled, we are left with both MNF and TuesNF this week with 16 roster slots still to take the field in the next 36 hours. The good news is that we now all have a scapegoat in place for justification as to why we didn’t win the league this year (if necessary). Gird your loins and soak your tunics in ale because its time for the weekly M&TNFP!

Games

(1-3) Los Angeles Chargers @ (2-2) New Orleans Saints

• 8:15 PM EST Monday
• Line: NO -6.5

Tuesday (4-0) Buffalo Bills @ (3-0) Tennessee Titans

• 7:00 PM EST Tuesday
• Line: BUF -3.5

Matchups

99% Matt #1 (3-1) v Nick (4-0) aka “Picnic on Mount Olympus”

Mama there goes that man! In the battle of the league leaders, Matt put together the perfect week as every single slot started exceeded their projections as the Flattened Chubbs hung 166 on the fighting Cooks. 166 is a new league weekly high as every single player went for >10 points. On the other side of the matchup, Nick has fought for dear life amassing an impressive week of his own but suffered a 1.8 effort from his TE Hayden “weak first name compared to my last - power” Hurst. Nick looks to his figurehead Josh Allen to go for > 50 in his tuesday night affair to make this interesting. If things go south, undefeated Nick may be on the chopping block for this week’s BUILT FORD TOUGH - OUCHY OUCHY POWER THRASH of the week and a devastating demoralizing blow for the rumored corrupt commissioner.

96% Hy (2-2) v Matt #2 (2-2) aka “Melancholy Kong and his deflated balloon - a graphic novel”

Hy leads by 27 going into the upcoming games, and has Derick Henry and Jounnu Smith still to take the field. Matt is holding onto the miracle of Drew Brees to outscore Hy’s duo by 27+ to flip the script and ascend to valhalla. Yahoo doubts the possibility and has the final projections at a deficit of 33 pts, one large enough to put Matt #2 on the chopping block for this week’s BUILT FORD TOUGH - OUCHY OUCHY POWER THRASH of the week. Matt suffered from a Kittle fall from grace with a pedestrian 6.4 points and a scary showing from Amari Cooper and McLaurin of a combined 7 pts while Snuckles’ Knuckles suckled on the jacked pec teet of DK Metcalf the tune of 24 succulent points and a last second seahawk win on Sunday night.

91% Jam (2-2) vs Patrick (1-3) aka “Ooooo the 49ers D thought they were supposed to ALLOW points okokok I see”

In a desperation mega trade that shook the league last week, Patrick and Diego engaged in a 6 man power trade in a last ditch effort to try and win more games and thereby avoid continuing to lose so many games. As you can see here, that did not appear to work as expected for the honorable Robotrippin Gardener as he is comfortably positioned to fall to 1-4 and last in the league. Although the two additions of Watson and Sanders exceeded expectation, the rest of the team failed to amaze as the SF defense allowed Fitzmagic to hang 43 on them in a truly alarming -2 point performance. On the Jam side, Baltimore D eviscerated the cin city offensive unit with a 26 pt mauling setting up Jam nicely for a week 5 victory. The current state has Jam with a 15 point lead and Ten’s AJ Brown to return from injury and take to the field on Tuesday night. Patrick’s powerful Justin “I guess this is an RB who might theoretically see the field and who doesn’t have covid” Jackson and Will “I swear you better drop 20 tonight or so help me, I will write about you in a negative way in my diary - jk I would never, I support you fully” LUTZ might have something to say about that though. Look for the chat to heat up if anything worth monitoring happens in this one.

80% Keith (2-2) v Alex (2-2) aka “American BannedStand”

In America’s heartland, you will find a quaint little town by the name of St. Johns. Full of beautiful milk maids and local watering holes where you can go to read the bible, the community is largely comprised of honest, humble, hardworking folk who strive to provide for their families. But there is one OTHER, who lurks amongst them, like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, going by many names, but most commonly known as BANNEDaid Man Stan aka Alex Q aka Schuster (2007 Film). His razor sharp bite is primed to chomp tonight as Keenan Allen takes the field looking to overcome an 18 point gap + saints defense’s total over Keith’s squad. Danger takes many forms, and in this battle of mild mannered software developers, things could get BLOODY TONIGHT, idk im sry I barely have any time to work on this this week -

64% Diego (0-4) vs Scott (2-2) aka “Hunt for red (first win) October”

Michael Thomas punched a teammate in practice and is now suspended for what was supposed to be his return to action party this week. That means Scott is starting Tre’Quan Smith in his stead and hopes he can protect his 7 point margin against defeated Diego’s revitalized squad of Stefon Diggs and Joshua Kelly in the coming two games. Both sides left big performers on their bench and will likely be kicking themselves if they manage to drop this one. That being said, a swift purposeful boot to the tush has spawned a number of revolutions across history, specifically that time the mailman kicked me into the ditch for offering him a chocolate cupcake when he dropped off the mail on my 7th birthday (he wanted vanilla), I of course, went on to develop a small C corp which is more widely known today as UPS as a petty act of vengeance and accidental ingenuity.

56% Dan (2-2) vs Cam (2-2) aka “AC (AutocraticConquest) DC (DanCam)”

Much like the credentials to log on and write the next MNFP, ridding me of this draining honor and effectively setting me free alla the genie in a bottle story, this one is TOTALLY UP FOR GRABS! Stop on by Monday OR Tuesday night to check in on this one as both sides have two players still to take the field with Kamara and Kamara’s backup? on Cam’s side and Hunter Henry and Devin Singletary on Dan’s side. The Kamarican Dream hopes to be fulfilled by outscoring last chance U (suck) by the existing margin of 13 with the entirety of the Saint’s backfield in on this one. The exciting thing about this particular matchup, is the fact that it is at the bottom of the preview, thereby implying that, at the time of writing, my thankless penance to this league, which I am highly likely to finish last in, is mercilessly complete… for now. My Tunas

TiL Week 5 Fun Facts

• The Steelers have not had to fire a coach since 1968, all other teams in the league have fired since 2000, all but 4 have fired since 2010, and half fired in the last two years
• Ryan Fitzpatrick has beaten the Jags playing for 6 different teams, first player ever to beat any team as a member of 6 others