Monday Night Football - Fantasy Preview - Week 4

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Forward

Well folks, COVID-19 done did it this time. 16 Titan positive tests later and we had our season’s first schedule change. The Titan Steelers game was moved to Week 7 and the Chiefs Patriots game was moved to Monday night after Cam “SuperSpreaderMan” Newton tested positive prompting the league to take a further look at the Patriot’s testing adherence to the league’s COVID-19 protocols. Truly deflating news for many in the league as they were forced to scramble to fill slots with whoever had a donger (for now, excuse you!) and a mouthguard. We saw large margins open up in several matchups this week as we have a record 4 teams projected over 140 points and 4 teams projected under 100. With all the chaos, and two fantasy friendly NFL matchups, the stage is set for a rootin tootin wild Monday Night with an astounding 16 PLAYERS from around the league still to take the field. None of the matchups are mathematically yet guaranteed, so make sure to tune in tonight to see if you may be entitled to financial compensation.

Games

(2-1) New England Patriots @ (3-0) Kansas City Chiefs

• 7:05 PM EST
• Line: KC -6.5

(0-3) Atlanta Falcons @ (3-0) Green Bay Packers

• 8:50 PM EST
• Line: GB -6.5

Matchups

99% Dan (1-2) v Diego (0-3) aka “Goblins and Goulds”

What do you get when you combine a WR, RB, TE, Flex, K and Def? If your name is Diego, the answer is 25 points. I’m a Gurley man suffered another truly demoralizing week as his current point total of 47 requires immediate life support from Julio Jones and Team namesake Todd Gurley tonight if they hope to salvage a week greater than their projections of season league wide low 76 points. On the bright side, Diego left a smooth 25 pts on his bench from his stacked collection of young receivers. Last Chance U (suck) went crazy this week, despite having yet to make a single move this season, with a legendary 500 yard performance from Dak and a breakout 3 TD effort from OBJ. Look for Gurley and Julio to outscore Tyreek Hill and the KC Defense tonight by 70 to avoid making this one the BUILT FORD TOUGH - OUCHY OUCHY POWER THRASH of the week (and potentially this season’s greatest margin of victory yet).

99% Jam (1-2) v Keith (2-1) aka “Mixon the Vixen”

Cam played a perfect lineup this week to run out to a massive lead over Keith’s Theilan Lamor Sadson (just a gnarly collection of words). Aided by a 40 pt breakout performance by Joe “Richard” Mixon, Christian McDeads looks to put it in cruise control tonight as he gets the privilege of watching Matt Ryan attempt to throw 50 passes in a probable 3 score loss to the Pack. Keith will be calling in all the miracles he can manage as he will need the 7 pt projected Rex “TexMex” Burkhead to combine with Harrison Butker to outscore Matt Ryan by 45 to have a chance in this one. Keith has secured a benched Rodrigo Blankenship though, who brought his average up to 12.5 ppg this week and should never be doubted again.

96% Matt #2 (1-2) vs Alex (2-1) aka “BELIEVELAND - Browns 3-1”

With 5 players on bye this week, Alex did the best that he could with his available resources but currently sits down 40 points to the EasyBreezyBeautiful cadets from Matt #2’s squad heading into MNF. He will need a career day of 40 plus Edward’s-Helaire’s total from Davante “I think I broketed My Toe” Adams to make this one even remotely interesting. Alex learned a valuable lesson this week - don’t have so many players around players or playing players with COVID. Look for Alex to learn his lesson and never question any future commissioner rulings or decrees moving forward. Also Matt must have woken up yesterday feeling dangerous as his squad is projected for a league week high 147 pts bolstered by Kittle returning from injury this week with an incredible 183 yards and a TD on 15 catches.

EDIT: BREAKING From the Kenyan Drake & Josh camp - Davante Adams is OUT and Mecole Hardman is IN. Look for Mecole to score roughly 3 times the total amount hes scored this season tonight to give Matt a run for his $$$ - Alex had only one other bench player score points this week.

91% Nick (3-0) vs Patrick (1-2) aka “BIC’s journey to Pen Island”

Nick’s unstoppable (thus far) stable of running backs contributed a whopping 71 points across Cook, Carson, and McKinnon as he raced out to 126 points so far heading into tonights matchups. Patrick put together a valiant, and frankly, inspiring effort to compete but eventually ran out of steam with his RB,TE,K,D only combining for 20 points. He holds on a slight 9% chance of victory tonight hoping for Patrick Mahomes to outscore Falcon star receiver and friendly associate of Patrick’s, Calvin Ridley by 36 points tonight. If you are looking to pawn one of your reliable RBs for pennies on the dollar, please speak to the robotrippin gardener ASAP.

64% Scott (1-2) v Hy (2-1) aka “Packer Snacker”

In one of the more interesting situations heading into MNF, Scott is now forced to return his Michigan card as he has positioned himself to be fully rooting for the Packers over the Falcons. Currently sitting down 41 points to Hy but has Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Jones, and Crosby still to play. If the players hit close to their averages (24pts, 25pts, 13pts respectively), he should be ok, but a lot could happen in cheese land. Look for the majority of the league to be rooting for the Pack to falter and for Hy to soar. The late Davante scratch probably works in Scott’s favor, but our resident meteorologist has observed a strange cloud formation brewing over lambeau field this afternoon. Also one of Scott’s WRs scored 0 points this week lol

60% Cam (1-2) vs Matt #1 (3-0) aka “Aight Friends with Tight Ends”

Cam is just one TE double header from becoming a giant slayer as he holds a fickle 11 point lead over Matt. On the chub side, Travis Kelce - and some rando named Robert Tonyan (guess he scored a TD for GB last two weeks) on the Kamarican side. This one is bound to be a very close finish and assuredly worth cooking up some homemade popcorn for. DON’T GO STORE BOUGHT UNLESS ITS ON SALE - THE ECONOMY IS BEING PROPPED UP ON BAD MORTGAGE BACKED SECURITIES AND TRUMP JUST TOLD PEOPLE NOT TO BE AFRAID OF COVID - A RECESSION IS IMMINENT. A sad sub note here was the loss of Cam’s Austin “pound for pound strongest man in the league” Ekeler - 4-6 weeks with an ankle sprain.

TiL Week 4 Fun Facts

• Matt Patricia has lost 12 of his last 13 games, despite leading in all but one of them. He’s lost the last 6 games in which he’s led by double digits, an NFL record.
• Dak Prescott threw for 4 TDs, 502 yards passing and lost by 11 points.
• Nick Foles is 0-5 in his last five games as starter, (benched) Trubisky is 4-1.