Monday Night Football - Fantasy Preview - Week 3

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Forward

As the eloquent sirens of Three Days Grace once bellowed, “I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all.” A couple of teams are clinging to this sentiment after week 3 saw the rich of the league get richer (and continue to only pay $750 in income tax) while the poor and impoverished received a XXL sized paddlin’. Unable to move to a socialist utopia until Covid settles down, the league heads into this week’s MNF showdown with 3 matchups still hanging in the balance.

Games

(2-0) Kansas City Chiefs @ (2-0) Baltimore Ravens

• 8:15 PM EST
• Line: BAL -3.5

Matchups

✅ Nick (2-0) v Keith (2-0) aka “Ooooo what’s that in them drawers?”

In a matchup of two league heavyweights, Nick scrambled out to a 67 point lead behind an onslaught from QB and Wyoming guy Josh Allen (averaging 31 ppg through 3 weeks). Keith marooned 2 22+ point earners on his bench and has Lamar Jackson and Harrison Butker still to take the field tonight. Thielen it Mr Crabs will need some sort of miracle to salvage this one and humble the tyrannical and honorable commissioner who has already elevated his ego to the cumulo-nimbosphere.

✅ Matt #1 (2-0) v Diego (0-2) aka “Pat’s defense == Diego’s laments”

Owner of the other of the two league überQBs, Matt #1 and Russell Wilson (avg 34 ppg through 3 games) pounded Diego’s feeble winless corpse into the barren earth en route to building an 18 point lead. With Kelce still to take the field for Matt, look for the jolly Travis to score enough points for Matt to finally feed his dog (the pup only gets the grub if chubb and co get the the dub). Diego put together a respectable performance but suffered from a couple mediocre days as he may be the last winless team in the league after this week - depending on the result of the Scott vs Matt #2 (look for the last place punishment specifics to be solidified this week)

✅ Cam (0-2) vs Patrick (1-1) aka “Mahomes best be believing in ghost stories Miss Turner ”

2 weeks ago, Patrick traded league Jag James Robinson and TE Eric Ebron to Dan for TE Dallas Goedert. The week started off with James Robinson going for 30 and Ebron for 14, while Dallas got injured in the first 2 minutes of his matchup and finished with 1.2 pts. On the other side, Cam hauled in a whopping 65 pts from his two RBs Kamara and Ekler as he has built up a whopping 70+ point lead over the esteemed, compassionate, and firmly unbiased robotrippin gardener. However, there is one man who stands in the way of preventing Cam from capturing this weeks probable BUILT FORD TOUGH - OUCHY OUCHY POWER THRASH of the week - and his name is Patrick Mahomes. 40 points on MNF should avoid the biggest blowout, 70 points should make things interesting, and no additional points are required for Patrick to be sad.

88% Alex (1-1) vs Jam (1-1) aka “Erotic goo emporium romp”

Jam truly doing the opposite of rising to expectations this week as he is on track to deliver an effort 30 points below his projections with nothing really super promising on his bench. Alex appears to have gotten off easy for his fatal flaw of not starting Will Fuller on his one good game of the year (13 pts on 4 catches). However, Jam still has Mark Andrews and Justin Tucker who may combine to get the 40 points Jimmy will need to vault Alex on MONDAY NIGHT UNDER THE LIGHTS and vault their way directly into our hearts (on fire diamonds - seamlessly sponsored by Zales).

85% Hy (1-1) v Dan (1-1) aka “The lonely doaner seems to spee his mind at night”

In the matchup with the most variables still at play, 4 players (3 for dan, 1 for hy) will take the gridiron tonight in the infamous “Battle of the people in the league that I for sure know are 25.” On the Last Chance U (suck) side, its Tyreek Hill, Mark Ingram II, and Kansas City Defense vs big bad MARQUISE BROWN. Dan’s conflicting goals trio will need to outscore Hy by 37 points tonight for things to get really interesting. Republican Credits —- will be fine.

54% Matt #2 (0-2) vs Scott (1-1) aka “Roommate stalemate”

It’s neck and neck! Scott with a 14 point lead and all players finished, Matt #2 with Clyde Edwards-Helaire still to take the field! The only guarantee, is the inevitable heat death of the universe - all other outcomes are ON THE TABLE. Matt #2 is thirsty for his first win and a larger sense of personal identity in this league, while Scott seeks to remain in the top of the league conversation. If Matt secures this W, the Rivera Street 3, aka the California Kings, aka the Judge/Jury/Execution will all be sitting at 1-2 overall and sitting firmly in lowest quartile of this league.

TiL Week 3 Fun Facts

• The Browns finally have a winning record for the first time since Dec. 7, 2014
• The Falcons have now lost games in which they had a 99.9% chance to win and a 99.1% chance to win, respectively. The chances of that happening are roughly 1 in 990,000