Monday Night Football - Fantasy Preview - Week 12

November 30, 2020

A weekly newsletter for members of the Harry Koch Memorial Cup Fantasy Football league - all others will be GASLIT INTO THINKING THEY HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE ACCEPTED INTO A TIKTOK HOUSE IN LA

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Nelson Mandela once said, “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Heading into Monday night, the league has 15 started slots still to take the field, and a strange delayed Tuesday night game that may not happen due to COVID. If that game is cancelled, 5 of the 15 starters will take 0s and chaos will rock the league. As it stands now, 4 matchups sit at >= 98% probability determined with two still up for grabs. As it stands right now, we will likely head into week 13 with 6 teams 6-6 or better and 2 teams sitting below the cusp at 5-7 setting up some great playoff implication matchups in the final week.


Monday (7-3) Seattle Seahawks @ (3-6-1) Philadelphia Eagles

  • 8:15 PM EST
  • Line: SEA -6.5

Wednesday (6-4) Baltimore Ravens @ (10-0) Pittsburg Steelers

  • 5:00 PM EST
  • Line: PIT -10


99% Alex (7-4) v Cam (5-6) aka “Big Ben Baller Brand”

A team has no name went up against a team has no game this week and the proof is in the pudding. Alex and co hung 147 on the Kamarican Dream behind a season high 32 from Willy Fuller V as they raced out to a 90 pt lead. Cam still has the Seattle kicker and Big Ben who will need to absolutely explode to avoid making week 12 Cam’s first time being BUILT FORD TOUGH - OUCHY OUCHY POWER THRASHed. This will be Alex’s third time delivering the thrashing in 5 weeks as he appears to be catching his stride in time for playoffs. When asked what he would do with any potential prize money, Alex’s response was measured, stating that he would “reinvest the winnings into further research and development / scouting for next season, also treat myself to a stick of bubble gum.” Cam’s future hangs in the balance, zoboomafoo style, as he falls to 5-7.

99% Dan (5-6) v Matt #2 (4-7) aka “Anime-gus”

In the matchup with the most cumulative points scored this week, Dan currently sits at 146 pts with a 46 pt lead over Matt #2, who remains stoically flexing next to his partner and rock - Carson Wentz. To combate Dan, Tesla engineers have developed giant robots called Jaegers, designed to be piloted by two humans locked together in a neural bridge. Matt and Carson look to protect the pacific rim and achieve a stunning victory tonight as 46 pts sits ~ 16 pts above his season high and 15 pts above his career high. With a victory here combined with his season pt total, Dan would all but secure a playoff spot despite making a league low moves and spending all his waiver money in a single week. Last Chance U (suck) would like to thank Tyreek “Cheetah” Hill for the cool league season high 51 pts and would like to tell the haters to “never talk to (him) or (his) 7 sons again.” With the loss here, Matt could possibly fall to last in the league, in close quarters with the rest of the Rivera 3 (SF roommates).

99% Diego (3-8) v Keith (5-6) aka “What’s the matter, never seen a Diego win before?”

Keith suffered from a number of misfortunes in this one, ranging from starting a WR for a team that only completed 1 pass, to receiving an all time worst performance from Zeke. There is little he could have done better however, as Diego benefitted from massive days from Mahomes, Jefferson, and the LA Ram Defense. There are still 3 players from this matchup to play, but Diego leads by 43 and has two of them. Keith will need another mega Lockett outing and a Steelers cancellation to have a chance in this one. Despite the tough likely loss, Keith still remains in playoff contention as the groundwork is being laid for a vital must win matchup vs Cam in week 13. Diego has shown great honor and courage fighting to avoid last overall regular season dishonors despite having the most points scored against him by over 100.

98% Matt #1 (9-2) v Scott (4-7) aka “Free Mike Evans”

Scott has played all his cards, and currently sits on a delicate wafer thin 1.5 pt lead over Matt and league QB pt leader Russell Wilson. It’s a tough spot to be in here but Scott is essentially cheering for a first possession injury at this point to keep his playoff dreams alive. We can all agree that the optics are not great on Scott so strongly wishing misfortune upon such a quality guy, however, we must all remove the plank from our own eye before judging the bedraggled Waller the Baller. Additionally, Scott benched Mike Evans for the third straight week despite him averaging 16.5 on 10 targets throughout that span. He must be in timeout for having a first name for a last name. Matt is likely to move into sole possession of first place here if Nick vs Jam follows projections.

67% Jam (6-5) v Nick (9-2) aka “PaJam vs Covid”

In an interesting situation, Jam currently holds a 4 pt lead over Nick and Too Many Cooks with freshly recovered Chris Carson still to take the field. The 67% advantage however, is due to Jam having the philly kicker and the baltimore defense waiting in the wings. If the Pitt game goes ahead as planned, it could be a great day for the baltimore defense playing in the deep snow of Heinz Field. However, if that game gets shut down, this battle suddenly becomes VERY even. This matchup is also massively important for Jam, as a win would guarantee him a playoff spot, while a loss could mean forcing him into a must win week 13 vs the feisty 2xPower-THRASH alum. Maybe don’t play Cam Newton anymore idk.

65% Patrick (3-8) v Hy (6-5) aka “The ole start the defense and two offensive players on the other team strategy”

In the final matchup of the night, 5 players remain with the Philly RB, TE, and Seattle Defense on Cruella DeChill’s side and DK Metcalf, JuJu on Snuckles’ Knuckles’ side. A feeble 8 pt lead for the good guys is currently all that separates Patrick’s respectable, open minded squad from the bad deeply erotic man down south. Based on Hy’s overall point total, he is likely getting a playoff spot regardless though anything could happen in this one. A win here would be monumental for the the ex robotripping herbologist as it would vault him from dead last to 10th overall, narrowly ahead of his two other housemate who would round out the bottom 3 in the league. Look for cigarette holder holding Cruella to unleash an aggressive barrage of spam in the chat as he fights for honor, eternal glory, and a seat at the illustrious top 10 table tonight.

TiL Week 12 Fun Facts

  • Marshawn Lynch supposedly would pound henny before every game as a pregame ritual
  • The Denver Broncos QB-less team completed more passes to the other team (2) than completions to their own (1) in this past weeks game vs the Saints